Im beating it

I have a nemesis. Well I have a bunch, as you have probably picked up by now. This one, in particular, is the ARC trainer at the gym.

I HATE that thing. But the Bad Boy makes me warm up on it for ten minutes before we work out, three days a week. I started comparing how many calories it burns compared to the stationary bike or the treadmill, both of which aggravate my knee a little, and came to an inevitable conclusion--I have to do the ARC trainer. There is just no comparison.

If I do it manually, I can control how hard it is. That means I might cheat, so I had to stop doing that. About ten days ago, I managed to get up to 30 minutes at a time, which is around 350 calories. I quite often work out with the same set of people around me. There is one girl who wears that thing out, and has to be a size 0. She runs too. She has worked her ass slap off, cuz that is the only thing wrong with her tiny self-- no assatall. Another guy is a football player gone to seed, who is really working hard to get the weight off. He does a whole hour on that thing, and at much higher resistance than me. It makes me crazy because no way I can do what he does--he can burn 1300 calories an hour on it he does so much resistance. That is insane.

I am a little too competitive for my own good. So this weekend, I started using some of the presets on the trainer--where you put in your weight (dear God, I have to cover it with my nook so no one sees it), then do some other options, and then it changes you up. Its good though, because it keeps me from taking it easy. I can get my heart rate up into the 150s on that, which is unheard of for me--evidently, despite thinking I might die at any minute, my heart is really strong, because getting it over 125 had previously been almost impossible. I could be sweating buckets, and dizzy from exertion and just could not get it up there.

well now I can! This weekend, I started doing a whole hour on that bitch. I have to trick myself by setting different times, then resetting it to go again, but whatever--I am doing it. Three days in a row now (and that was weekend, so this is serious business folks), I have done an hour and burned right around 750 calories!

And I may be crazy but I feel something happening to my butt--especially my hip on the left side. Something is changing, which is just what I needed.

Hallelujah. I am stuck on the weight thing, ranging between 12 and 16 pounds but things are changing. I still have 60 pounds to go, which seems like a huge amount, but now I know I can do it.

Now that I am home, I kind of wish I could go back and do it again. This is what happens though, I get carried away and over train and that backfires weight wise. I am not allowed to do more than an hour of cardio a day, and on training days, I am only allowed to do 30 minutes. I might see if he will let me do more, but I bet not.

I have such an addictive personality. Its kind of sad

Snuck it by me

Somehow I missed this --but it is huge news!

My perpetual pain in my ass, the neighborhood meth maker- has pled guilty in federal court or meth-related offenses (or offense, I am not sure which, looks like it must be just one). Sentencing is not until May, but the good part is that he could be sentenced up to 20 years and to pay $250K. Since he has already been to federal prison for meth issues in the past, they will not go lightly on him. I do not expect him to get the full 20, but he will get wacked way harder than the State ever would, should they ever actually get around to doing anything about his charges. His 2008 charges are still pending in State court, quite likely waiting on these federal issues to be resolved.

In any event, he is remaining in custody until sentencing.

You do not realize how much stress a situation like this can put on you until it is over. Having a tweaker as an enemy is not a safe and secure position to be in. Looks like it is behind me now

Hallelujah!

A serious subject

Holly tells me all the time that I know important people. I do not know if there is anything to that, but there are some important people that bounce around me sometimes. It probably is because I am into so many things, but whatever. This is not about me

One of those important people I know was Iris Chang. Probably many of you do not know who she is, but I bet some do. I met her in undergrad; she was in my sorority, and eventually, I ended up living in her room in the house. She was brilliant, beautiful and impressive in every single way. After freshman year, I did not think another thing about her again until I read in the newspaper in 2004 that she had died. It seemed odd to me that her death should be international news, but that was just because I was out of touch.

Unbeknownst to me, Iris had made herself famous. She was a writer, and had written an international bestseller in 1997 called the Rape of Nanking. She had enough mainstream fame that people at work told me all about it. The book is about the Japanese war atrocities in China during WW II. Evidently, it turned the world on its head, because many people had forgotten or never knew the depth of what happened there, and how the US handled it so differently than it did the European issues.

This was a woman scared of nothing Iris became something of an activist, and raised a lot of hell that made people unhappy. She wielded a huge amount of power in the years following the book, some movies were made about it, and she continued working on some other projects. She was the face of demanding an apology and reparations from Japan. There is even a statue of her in China. She told off the Japanese Ambassador on national television. She was happily married and had a son.

And then she killed herself.

It made no sense to me, or evidently anyone else, even those that knew her very well. There were theories that she was murdered by Japanese ultra-nationals. There are whole forums dedication to what happened to her. The strongest theory was that she was mentally destroyed by the horrid events she wrote about. I have been touched by suicide more times than I can count, and even though I did not know her well, I felt like this was one more.

A friend of hers, Paula Kamen, wrote a book after Iris' death called "Finding Iris: Friendship, Ambition and the Loss of an Extraordrinary Mind". I read the book this weekend and it really shook me up. It was so good, I recommend it to everyone.

It was really well written, but I probably would not have read it had I not known Iris. I am so glad I did because it changed how I thought of her, and maybe a lot of other people. Paula included excerpts from letters and emails and conversations she had with Iris over the years, and interviewed a lot of other people who knew her well. It was almost a personal search for her, so she could understand why, how and who Iris really was, could it happen to her? and if she ever knew her as well as she thought she did.

There was so much more to this than it first appeared. Iris evidently had a breakdown while she was working on her new book about the Bataan Death March, and had to be hospitalized. She was ultimately diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. It is possible that her bi-polar was angered by her use of fertility drugs, after suffering miscarriages. That certainly contributed to her situation but so did many other things

Iris came from a family of super-achievers. Her parents came here from China and received Ph.Ds at Harvard. Iris went to Illinois, where her parents worked, then to Johns Hopkins for a masters degree in Science writing, which is what managed to hook her up with a publisher for her first book. She was 23 when she was contracted to write it. The ambition and drive and her ability to back it up was unstoppable. I have always had a theory about really freakily intelligent people, mostly formed as a result of the ones I know--they are not like the rest of us. They have quirks that make them seem different, as if one brain can only hold so much, and if it is full of IQ, there is not room for all the other social norms, etc that other people have. She fits this theory really well, which is kind of how I remembered her myself.

The book Paula wrote delves into the cultural issues as well. There is a lot of stress that comes with being part of the "super minority", and living up to the stereotypes that come along with it. (on a side note, an Asian attorney I know told me recently that she got a letter from an angry client telling her how disappointed he was in her representation of him, because he thought "her people" were better than that. Hysterical huh?) Chinese people do not discuss mental illness in their lives--it is something they hide and are ashamed of, although suicide by Chinese women is not stigmatized evidently. Medications for those who admit there is a problem and seek treatment is also difficult because they require different dosages than the rest of the population. Generally though, treatment is not sought because of the stigma.

So was it a perfect storm of circumstances? a combination of all of those things? No one will ever know. Paula's book though did show that this was not as big a surprise as everyone initially thought. Her research shows that Iris planned this and carried it out just like everything she did--with precision and drive. Looking back, there was a clear path to it. Quirks that people wrote off as typical writer behavior were manic episodes, such as working through the night, and not sleeping, and the work ethic. Coming from a Chinese woman, her behavior was even more radical because the window of accepted behavior in that culture is so narrow. Yet it went on for years, and no one noticed. Her husband called it "Attention Surplus Disorder" as she could focus on something so intently, she missed everything else around her.

I guess it is not strange that it is so hard to understand because I come from such a different place than she did. But certainly it makes me think twice about believing what you see--I thought she had it all, and she did, but she also had a lot of difficult things in her world. Things are not what they seem a lot of the time.

I emailed Paula Kamen to tell her how much I appreciated the book, so we have been chatting about it. I so wish that I had the opportunity to do what she did--find out WHY people I know did it. I knew that Iris' mother Ying-Yang has written a book about Iris that is to be released in May this year, and I ordered it, but Paula assured me that there would be no mention of mental illness in it. She is probably right. I look forward to reading it too though as I am starved for information about Iris. The difference between it and Paula's book should be pretty striking

I wonder if sometimes a person can just be so much everything--that they are like a star that burns too hot to last long. I know that sounds corny, but that is how I think of it.

It is not often that I am this struck by something, and I know I am failing at communicating it. I am not as gifted as Iris and Paula in making people feel what I want them to, just by writing it down. But read this book of Paula's. It will open your mind, maybe give you some comfort, make you angry and sad, and you will for sure learn something.

My frozen weekend

While Holly hauled me around to see various forms of frozen things, this is what Slater did. Full time for about four days. And then he did this in the car on the way home, never even knowing that we were driving through a blizzard, then sleet then a thunderstorm. He is singularly dedicated to his resting. I admire him.

Holly took me to New York to see the Ice Castle Festival.....but the ice castle melted before we got there. Of course, it was cold again by the time we got there, unGodly cold and windy. It was still cool. I have never been on a frozen lake. This was at Lake Chautauqua in Mayville, NY.

These are some ice fisherman dudes taking their stuff out to the deeper part of the lake. These people must have a special kind of mental illness.

This was pretty cool though--a sailboat for on ice. That thing was FAST! I could maybe be convinced to do that sometime, if someone else dressed me properly for the adventure.
These are some of the remaining blocks.

As if the snow covering the beach was not enough to keep you off of it, the fine people of Mayville have posted this sign for you.

The next day we went to Presque Isle, near Erie PA, which is a nature preserve kind of place. Pretty neat, although there were also crazy people there.
This lighthouse pic was taken from the top of a frozen sand dune. When we got out of the car, it was very comfy and about 35 degrees. After walking a couple hundred yards, and up on the dunes, I almost froze to death. It was seriously cold.

This is a frozen sand dune in Lake Erie

So is this. Pretty cool huh? It was like climbing on boulders in the ocean, but they are not rocks at all. So strange

On the way out, we saw the FrostBite Open, which was a charity golf tournament. On the ice!

The only person I can think of crazy enough to do that is my mother.

The unveiling

Ignore the bumpy bumps on my foot--it was from my socks. Holly took the pics and her macro lens is entirely too good, so you can see all that foolishness.

What do you think? I may have the cow re-done in black because he does not look finished to me. I am going to wait and see though

Home again from the frozen tundra

I got home last nite from Pennsylvania, and still have not caught up, but wanted to post a funny picture of what Slater thinks of snow up to his butt. This pic is him standing in the driveway at Holly's house getting ready to come home on Monday morning--the snow was up to his hiney. He was absolutely disgusted. In an effort to not have to go out in it, he ate next to nothing, so he never had to potty --it made for a stressful weekend for Holly who was sure he was starving himself to death.

I had a great time, did things I have never done before, and generally just relaxed. I so needed it. The 11 hour drive home through blizzard, sleet and thunderstorm was a little less than relaxing but I made it. I will get pics of our adventures up soon. Stay tuned

I did it

I hated it, but I did it. Barry came home yesterday, and we took Simba to the vet and put her to sleep. I asked him on Tuesday nite to come, but he thought it would be this morning before he could get there, but he surprised me by showing up at 4 on Wednesday. It made a world of difference to my outlook on the whole thing because I had to stop second guessing and just do it.

It was horrible. Especially because when I pulled into the driveway to get them, she and Barry were standing in the driveway waiting for me. She looked great. Like there was nothing wrong. Until she tried to run to me in the car and fell down. It almost killed me to see that.

We picked her up, loaded her up and drove to the vet who was waiting on us. She was very happy all the way there, and even getting in the office, she was pretty happy. As we waited, though, she got weak, and leaned a lot, and was unsteady. I knew it was really time because I never even saw her think about growling at Kevin, which is what she does. She is scared of him, so she acts ugly. Kevin agreed that the way even her front legs were moving, something else was going on to cause all those neurological symptoms. I suspect a brain tumor, and am pretty convinced that is what it was.

So we did it. She is gone.

At the end, as it was happening, I knew it was right. I just wish I had known before we did it for sure, it sure would have eliminated a lot of heartache. She was such a beautiful dog, and for all the trauma she underwent before we got her, she was a wonderful dog. She started out scared of Barry and any other tall man, and ended up choosing him over anything else. She would fall asleep with her head on his pillow, just looking at him, she loved him so much. She would crawl up in his lap in the recliner, all 150 pounds of her. She was the best cuddler ever, and nothing could make you feel better than snuggling up with her for a nap.

I am going to miss her so much. Nine years is a long time to have a great dane, and she was at least two when we got her, so she had a long life. And a happy one. I know we were the right home for her, even when it was not easy like when she did kind of bad stuff like pen the cleaning ladies in the kitchen.

And that is all I can say about that, or I will get worked up again.

After we did it, we met Tracy and a whole pile of other wackos at the tattoo parlor, and I got a very cool tattoo on my foot. I have wanted to do it for years, but never had the nerve. I am such a straight arrow really, contrary to popular belief. We had a really fun night, and it was the perfect distraction.

This morning, I packed Slater up and ran away from home. Right now, we are close to Erie, PA, in a hotel watching TV. That is one of Slater's favorite things to do, and I enjoyed the road trip and just being able to leave all the ugly at home for a while. My foot hurts like a m-f'er as you can imagine, and right now is swollen pretty good. I am sure that is made worse by sitting in the car for 10 hours today. When I get to Holly's house tomorrow, I will have her take a photo of it to post. It is cool as shit, and I am so glad I finally did it.

My mom thinks I am having a mid-life crisis. I think she might be right.

What do you think?

Two things --completely opposite

On the good side, I have gotten back on Harley, after she has been off several weeks due to weather. An indoor is still miserable when it is 10 degrees, so we have been doing the bare minimum horse stuff. Sunday, it was nice, so I took her to Tracy's and had an awkward ride. She had only been ridden with a bit once before, and she was fine with that, but she was a little stiff in her reactions. Considering it all though, she was fine, and her whoa had improved

I took her again tonight and she was all better. Loped real pretty on the lunge line, although we cannot confirm she has ever loped on a lunge line. She was beautiful. When I got on, she was back to her regular willing self, quick to respond, and totally on her game. I have been waiting for my braveness to kick in so I could start trotting her. I know she has been ready, but I have not been. I am a bad trotter on the best day and have somewhere along the way lost my ability to post, so Tracy has been teaching me. I just do not have the confidence I need to start one at that gait.

Today was the day and we did it! And she has a great trot--nice and smooth and very comfortable. I did not hurt myself, or her, or flop around like a dead body--I did it right!

So that was awesome. I felt so good afterwards, and wanted to keep doing it. We will keep this up for a while. And soon I will get my nerve up for the lope. And I want to get her out of the indoor, so soon, we are going to get outside. It is almost trail riding season, and I am sure she is ready for it. I am excited to take her.

I am also thinking about who we are going to start next. I am all full of myself now.

On the awful side, we have had some shakeups at work that have thrown everyone for a loop. Change is hard.

On the much worse side, unless things change in the next 8 hours, Barry is coming home from wherever he is to help me take Simba to the vet. It is time. I love her too much to watch her be scared that she cannot make her hind legs work. She does not hurt, I know, but she is confused. No one deserves to live like this.

These decisions rip me apart. Please think of her in her last days, and that they are as pleasant for her as possible, and that I have not waited too long. I swore I would never do that again, but it is so damn hard to know what to do.

New man in the lineup

photo courtesy of the EE Ranches website

I bought a breeding from a benefit auction this weekend--for the Jason Forby family, who lost their entire cutting operation to a fire on January 31. We have used Jason for a few horses, and he always does a good job. I cannot imagine the devastation they are dealing with right now. A benefit was held at an event in Tennessee this weekend, and I am not one to miss getting in on a benefit auction. So this is what I got!

I have always liked Nitas Wood, and he has been on my radar for a couple of years. When he was donated to this benefit, I got really excited--I like when people donate to things like this, and I like to support them. And of course, I cannot stand to miss a deal.

A link to his kajillion good attributes is here. He is by Zack T Wood, by Doc Tari and out of Nitas Quixote, by Doc Quixote. I love that old standby blood that has been solidly producing for a long time. It feels secure to me. He has produced several earners of over $200,000 each, and a couple of recent ones well over $300,000. Good enough for me!

I am considering my Miss N Cash daughter, Hickorys Cashin In for him. I am not married to that idea yet, but shes my leader in my head right now. She is not due with her Peppy Plays for Cash baby until March 31, so I have time to decide on her. My Smart Aristocrat daughter, Aristagal, is another possibility. I have some decisions to make!

Great day in the sun

After yesterday's veterinary disappointments (and a really long night with Simba being pretty wobbly), it was great to have a good sunny day to get out and ride. I got my workout in, then went to Tracy's to the perpetual lunacy that goes on there. Every day there is like a day int he loony bin, but that is exactly what I need lately. There was a revolving door of people, and lots of things going on, so Shelley and I escaped and played horsey.

Hawk has been hanging out down there waiting for a buyer to come through--everyone has been trapped inside by the bad weather just like I have. Hawk is always the same though, so it is relaxing to be able to tool around on him, and just enjoy myself. How bout that workout gear and running shoes? Yes, I know better, I just do not always care. I like being comfortable

We were not out long, but still had a good time. Sometimes just being out in the sun is the best thing for me.

After our ride, Les cooked us dinner. It was a full service day!

I went home to feed and water at the farm, and guess what? We have no water anywhere on the property. The neighbors all have water, it is just us. It cant be frozen because it was 50 degrees. The meter was not moving, so there cant be an explosion on our side. It is very strange, and just a reminder that even when I get a day off, there will always be a problem lurking somewhere. The water people will come in the morning and see what might be happening, but they did not sound very encouraging.

Pray it is not something serious

My annual Is she or Isn't She?

Every year I go through this, but rarely have I been so convinced as I was on Tuesday that a mare had lost her foal. Gypsy was looking way too lean and fit to be packing a 8.5 month fetus up in there. So I went into my tailspin, like I have to do, set up the appointments to have her checked by the vet, and started freaking about all these rebreeds.
Then I grabbed her up today to get ready to see the doc tomorrow, and she does not look so obviously NOT pregnant. She kind of does.
But not terribly so here. Maybe a bit. But not a huge bit
That is a little tum there. But nowhere near as big as I swear she was a few weeks ago.

I have no idea. What do you think? I sure hope she is still in foal, and I hope she has a little blue roan filly in there, but I do not want to jinx myself. Just give me healthy and straight-legged, and I will thank the Lord.

She sees the vet at 2:30 or at the place I am taking Diablo to foal. For years, Dr Miles has told me I am tempting fate by foaling out my mares myself. But I LOVE foaling. I love the whole process, even the sleepless nights. Diablo's baby is going to be worth a pretty penny, assuming it is correct, and he has scared me into handing her over to a specialist to foal her out. I know I can handle 90% of things but I am not stupid enough to think I can handle everything, and this foaling place is 40 minutes closer to the doc should they need him. So I am doing it.

Edamamuh who?

Edamame.

What the hell is it?

How do you say it?

Why did I just eat it?

Help a girl out and explain these things to me. Please God. I cannot continue on without settling these matters. I get obsessed with things, and they interfere with my life. This is today's.

In other news, Simba is laying on her new bed, getting up without much drama. Slater is eating like an absolute mad man, which is something he had stopped doing for a while. It does my heart good. I am taking them on the Farewell World Tour next week, and going to a surprise destination with them. Well it is not a surprise to me, or Holly, or random other people, but it is a surprise to the dogs. Its gonna be fun

My score

I did manage to get one thing right lately--I managed to snag a breeding in a stallion auction that I never thought I would get. It is Hesapeptospoonful, who you can read about at http://hesapeptospoonful.com/hesapeptospoonful.html
I snagged these pics off the internet, because the only ones I have of him suck.

I bought him for Diablo, since he crosses really well on Young Gun mares, but I am going to ponder on it for a while. They are both pretty small, so I may have to make some changes. We shall see. The owners have a Million Dollar Incentive program, which sweetens the pot a little (except it will be over by the time my baby is old enough to compete). In a funny turn of events, his breeder is an internet friend of mine, and I had no idea of that until fairly recently--small world, huh?

I am excited about this because it is the biggest stud fee we have ever put into a stud, at least in one sitting. I guess there have been some that cost more when I have had to re-breed, etc, which causes costs to run up, but as far as the figure on the contract, this one is a doozy. I so hope it goes easily.

I only plan to breed three mares this year--Haida Girl has her rebreed to Kit Dual, and Gypsy has been given a sweet deal to try again on Boonsmal Cee Lena--she had a stunning baby by him two years ago, who did not make it her yearling birthday, so we are going to have a re-do. However, in eyeballing Gypsy this afternoon, I am not convinced she is still in foal with her 2011 baby by Playboy Boonsmal. If she has slipped this, it will throw a wrench in our plans and we will have to shuffle things around.

Guess I will get her checked out--this whole breeding season is kind of sneaking up on me.

In other news, a certain purple dress wearing mare escaped again today, so I guess Barry was not lying when he said he really for sure latched her gate properly. I was sure he was full of it, but I know for a fact I did it right last nite, but I got a text from Vickie this morning saying she noticed her moseying around the barn so she shut the gates on her. Vickie texted later saying when she passed by again, Foxy was having a lay down on the ground in front of the barn. Later, when I went to feed, I put her up and put a second lock on her gate latch.

I wonder what has gotten into her?

Will this ever end?

Hawkeye is sick of snow. Sick of it. He is not the only one. We do not get much snow here, but this year we have gotten lots of it. We got four inches over nite Friday nite, and then it is going to start again tonight. It is 39 degrees though, so it melts fast and just leaves things a mess.

I realize this is not much compared to other people under feet of snow, but we rarely get it at all and do not handle it well.

Tracy sent me this picture last nite, and for some reason, it made me laugh at Hawk-this is his first year in a blanket, and he is such a rough and tumble boy playing in the pasture, I did not think it would last, but it looks like it is holding up fine.

And him all snuggled up in his blanket and house is such a contrast to the phone call I got yesterday while I was trying to sleep off the misery of Slater's doctors appointment. A neighbor near the farm called and said one of my girls wearing a purple dress was standing in the middle of the road. About that time, the phone cut out. I got up and was rushing to get dressed, find my shoes, etc, and he called back to say she had gotten out of the road and gone to the neighbors across the street, laid down in his snow and rolled around for a bit, and was heading home.

Well that is just weird. Maybe she needed a vacation?

It is about 2.5 miles away, which takes no time at all unless you live in the country after 4inches of wet snow have fallen, like I do. I still got there pretty quick, and I could see exactly where she had gone, rolled around, and gone home by her footprints. Foxy was standing by the gate to her pasture, which was clearly not latched properly, waiting to be put back in.

I guess the good Lord thought I needed another shot of adrenaline--that is what I get for skipping a trip to the gym yesterday, I guess.

To avoid such ridiculousness today, I am headed there now--surely there is some karmic payback I can get for doing right

One up, one down

Simba is doing better. After the explosive diarrhea in her sleep at 5 am Friday morning, things had to get better. I bought her a rug to put in front of her bed so she does not slip when she tries to get up, and she is doing better. Still not sturdy on her feet, but stronger all the time. Lets hope the hard part is behind us and I never see a bad seizure--what I have seen is bad enough

Today was Slater's doctor's appointment to confirm why he has lost so much weight, and to see if he has a tooth problem that makes him reluctant to eat dry food, but more than happy to eat canned food.

I was dreading it because in my head I knew. He has osteosarcoma in his jaw. The prognosis is not good--three to six months. Of course, we do not know when that started, so who knows how long we have? We do not believe it was there last summer, and we do not believe it is in any other bones yet, but those are all just educated guesses. Chemo is not even an option for a 9 year old Great Dane. He could have his jaw removed, but that seems insane to me, to put him through it. Not gonna do it. We will just treat his symptoms as they arise--more canned food, mush up his dry food, Tramadol when/if it gets painful, etc

From here on out, both of them get what they want when they want it. I knew these days were coming, but I sure did not expect the double whammy all at once. Fortunately, Barry was able to come home tonight, to spend time with them, which is good. It is times like these that it is so hard on me to have him gone.

Good intentions-WARNING- dog poop inside

I was so going to catch up tonight and post all these things I have backed up, but my day did not go as planned.

When I got up this morning, Simba could not. She could not get herself up on her feet. She scrambled and scrambled and just could not make her front legs work right or her back legs at all. I tried to help, but we did not get much done. Picking up her back end caused her to pee on me, and I was sure there was going to be projectile poop if I did not stop it. Her front paws were cramped up into claws, almost, it was really weird. She just could not get any traction on the wood floors.

After an hour of that, me panicking all the while, I told her to stay put in the hall where she had made it to, because I had to go to work. I intended to come back in a couple of hours, and see what she had done with herself. I worried throughout the morning, but I was sure she would be up when I got home.

Nope. Not even close. She had not moved an inch. I called Barry, then I called Kevin, my vet and asked him to come. I was sure she needed to be put down. I called my mom to be here for it. I called Tracy and cried so hard, I made her cry. It was awful. I get so emotional about my animals.

Nothing happened for about 45 minutes. I decided to let Slater come in and say his good byes--he went to check her out, and I turned to pour his breakfast. He is not in good shape either (losing weight for no apparent reason) and I did not want to miss a chance to feed him extra. While I was doing that, she GOT UP! Next thing I knew, she was in the bathroom getting a drink, and then she wanted out. It was the craziest thing.

I let her out and went with her, leaving the door open. She pottied, and got up like normal, then looked for a place to poop. She did, but then she fell in it. That was a low point of my life for sure. I got her up, and cleaned her up, and mom showed up. I called Kevin's cell to tell him she was up, but he decided to come see her anyway to see what her deal was, and help get her in a car to get her to the office to run bloodwork. He had packed to put her down, not diagnose her.

Well that was a show for sure. Simba does not like Strange men in her house. She really does not like it, so she started growling at him. And fell again. She could not get up, but she sure was lurching her way around the kitchen trying to get away from him--she hid under the island, and growled and growled and was generally foul. That sure complicated getting her out of here.

But we figured it out. We put her on a blanket, and picked her up. Kevin held up her butt and I carried the front of the blanket with her wrapped up tight so she could not turn on him. Ol girl weighs 150 pounds. We got her in the back of my car, and the silly girl climbed over the seat to get in the backseat. She made no sense at all. Also, during this whole time, other than growling at Kevin, she never cried or acted like anything hurt. She just did not work right

So we got her to the clinic, gave her a sedative, and ran some tests. She had one roundworm, so not wormy. She is almost 11 years old which is super old for a Great Dane, and other than her hips hurting so she takes an NSAID, she has always been healthy. She has some fatty tumors, but nothing significant. Her blood tests all came back normal, other than having a very low thyroid (aww, just like her mama!), and her heart and lungs were good. The final verdict, we think, is that she had a seizure, and/or possibly a stroke. He is leaning toward seizures though, possibly due to hypothyroidism, or perhaps a brain tumor. He explained that having a thyroid issue can cause everything to go wonky, even neurological stuff like the seizure would be. If she has more of them, we can put her on phenobarbital, but for a random one she does not need it. He sent her home with wormer, thyroid meds and VALIUM to calm her should she have another seizure. Squirt it up her nose Valium--doesnt that sound like a great invention?

When we got her home, mom and I had to drag her out of the car, but she got up okay, and made it up the steps, and went outside, etc, then went down in the kitchen floor where she wanted to stay. My attempts to help her up did not work, so I told her to work it out for herself and left her there like Kevin said to do

This took all day, so I did not get to go back to work. I would not have been worth a damn anyway, I was so wrung out. Still am--it is amazing how much impact adrenaline can have on you. (speaking of which, I have lost 15 pounds now, in 20 days--not bad huh?)

I tried to take a nap, and after her refusing to get up for a while, she showed up at the bedroom door all by herself. She slept hard for about 3 hours, then when Slater got up to go to the bathroom and eat again, she did too! All by herself! She just hung out with me lying in the floor behind me while I was typing this, until just a couple of minutes ago when she got up all by herself and went to bed. No scrambling either, just slowly got up.

We may beat this yet. It is not over--and I sure hope she is not over either--but I am far more encouraged than I was this morning.

Pray for her. I am not ready to lose her, I do not care how old she is. It is not time.