Thursday, February 17, 2011

I did it

I hated it, but I did it. Barry came home yesterday, and we took Simba to the vet and put her to sleep. I asked him on Tuesday nite to come, but he thought it would be this morning before he could get there, but he surprised me by showing up at 4 on Wednesday. It made a world of difference to my outlook on the whole thing because I had to stop second guessing and just do it.


It was horrible. Especially because when I pulled into the driveway to get them, she and Barry were standing in the driveway waiting for me. She looked great. Like there was nothing wrong. Until she tried to run to me in the car and fell down. It almost killed me to see that.

We picked her up, loaded her up and drove to the vet who was waiting on us. She was very happy all the way there, and even getting in the office, she was pretty happy. As we waited, though, she got weak, and leaned a lot, and was unsteady. I knew it was really time because I never even saw her think about growling at Kevin, which is what she does. She is scared of him, so she acts ugly. Kevin agreed that the way even her front legs were moving, something else was going on to cause all those neurological symptoms. I suspect a brain tumor, and am pretty convinced that is what it was.

So we did it. She is gone.

At the end, as it was happening, I knew it was right. I just wish I had known before we did it for sure, it sure would have eliminated a lot of heartache. She was such a beautiful dog, and for all the trauma she underwent before we got her, she was a wonderful dog. She started out scared of Barry and any other tall man, and ended up choosing him over anything else. She would fall asleep with her head on his pillow, just looking at him, she loved him so much. She would crawl up in his lap in the recliner, all 150 pounds of her. She was the best cuddler ever, and nothing could make you feel better than snuggling up with her for a nap.

I am going to miss her so much. Nine years is a long time to have a great dane, and she was at least two when we got her, so she had a long life. And a happy one. I know we were the right home for her, even when it was not easy like when she did kind of bad stuff like pen the cleaning ladies in the kitchen.

And that is all I can say about that, or I will get worked up again.

After we did it, we met Tracy and a whole pile of other wackos at the tattoo parlor, and I got a very cool tattoo on my foot. I have wanted to do it for years, but never had the nerve. I am such a straight arrow really, contrary to popular belief. We had a really fun night, and it was the perfect distraction.

This morning, I packed Slater up and ran away from home. Right now, we are close to Erie, PA, in a hotel watching TV. That is one of Slater's favorite things to do, and I enjoyed the road trip and just being able to leave all the ugly at home for a while. My foot hurts like a m-f'er as you can imagine, and right now is swollen pretty good. I am sure that is made worse by sitting in the car for 10 hours today. When I get to Holly's house tomorrow, I will have her take a photo of it to post. It is cool as shit, and I am so glad I finally did it.

My mom thinks I am having a mid-life crisis. I think she might be right.

What do you think?

19 comments:

Fantastyk Voyager said...

Yep, mid life crises. But, so what? I've been considering getting a tattoo for a few years now. Hmmm...
I had to take my dog in by myself last year and put her to sleep. My kids wouldn't go with me. It was actually easier than I expected. I held her head right to the very end and I knew it was painless for her. She just peacefully went to sleep- no more pain. Of course, I'm tearing up now, just thinking about it.

Anonymous said...

RIP to your good friend!
Patty

Holly said...

I think that it was time and you did the right thing. I think Simba had the best home she ever could have with people who loved her.

I also think you've got guts to get a tat, and more guts to have a tat on a bony part of your anatomy. I bet that hurt getting it as well as now. Me...not ever going down that road. But I will absolutely get some photos for you. It will be cool. And I will pack you FULL of drugs. Now how we are going to get you around the Ice Festival with a sore foot, I dunno.

Funder said...

Oh Paige, I'm so sorry for you. I saw your FB yesterday and it was just too sad. :( You definitely did right by Simba. You are so much braver than me.

I can't wait to see the tattoo!! Mine is a rearing horse on my hip and I <3 it - I hope you <3 yours too!

duffylou said...

Simba led a charmed life with you. You did right by her. Enjoy your time away.

Anonymous said...

Mid-life crisis---probably---but so is change of life, and old age. We deal with it and ---ya know what! --we survive for the better.

And better for Simba now----

And time will heal for the better for you and Barry too.

Tattoos---Holly and I agree----no way---and you don't need to join the 'look at me crowd' as you have plenty of good stuff we all can see and like.

Take care, have fun enjoy Carol

Tiffany said...

Simba is pain free now and romping around having a good ole time in puppy heaven. (You KNOW there has to be a puppy heaven.)

And just you wait until your tattoo starts itching. Talk about a pain in the ass. The only thing you can do is slap it. Trust me!

When it warms up and I can wear flip flops again, I'm getting my other foot tattooed. Gotta have a matching set. LOL

Rising Rainbow said...

Sad to hear about your dog. That sucks. I think a tatoo as a distraction makes sense.

Reddunappy said...

I feel for you. We had to put two of ours to sleep last year. One to old age, similar to your girls problems, only he was 14lbs! He was have neurological problems (sigh) He was 15 years old and we had him his whole life.
My new puppy which we found 7 months after Teddy died, was born the day after we put Teddy to sleep! I still think thats pretty wierd!!
Our other girl was a Golden, she got cancer and a couple months after Teddy we had to take her in too.
Its never easy, at least they arent suffering anymore, I dont like heroics, because they dont understand any of it.
Hang in there.

Amy said...

So sorry about Simba...I hope your trip to PA is keeping your mind off things. Tattoo - seriously?!? WTF - I cannot WAIT to see it in person. I promise I will work on trip plans as soon as I get through this next interview on Wednesday.

Venom said...

I'm sorry for you & Barry because losing a treasured pet like
Simba always hurts - but I'm happy for Simba because you made sure she had a good life.
And because, despite your own feelings, you went ahead and did the right thing by her right up to & including the end.

Pagie with a tattie? Oooh, you are such a badass Sista!
I don't agree with the 'look at me' comment though - Paige, and a lot of other people who have a tattoo (including me), have chosen to put it where no one would ever know it.

Liza said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Simba was lucky to have you.

The Wife said...

Hugs to you. I know she had a wonderful life in your home. Couldn't have asked for anything better.

I have a tat on the top of my foot too. I remember how much it hurt the week following too! Much more then the actual tattoo. But gosh, that was over 10 years ago. I'm a straight arrow too so it shocked everyone.

KarenTX said...

I'm sorry about Simba, never easy making those hard decisions. I'm in and out of the vet with my RT right now, she's only 8, but may be trying to go into kidney failure, or might just be a pesky UTI that won't go away. Hugs.....

Agne said...

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Contact me battleofday@gmail.com and you in ;)

Sorry for posting this in comments, I didn't find your email on blog.

Amanda said...

It was the right thing. Period. I'm proud of both of you.

Jodi said...

Yep, midlife crisis. But I say at least you didn't put it on your ass.

baseballmom said...

we lost our lab in june--we put him down, and it was definitely time. my mom and stepdad had to take him because i couldn't stand it. he was very happy when we said goodbye too, but then collapsed and peed all over himself, so it just affirmed that it was time. soooo hard. hang in there!

Kim said...

I am just very sad for you about Simba, I know how hard that must have been. God bless her and keep her. Hugs and kisses.

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