Hard parts

Some times, life is just hard. This weekend was kind of hard.

I still don't feel good. I do not feel bad--just not GOOD. I am still tired, and I am coughing like crazy. I cannot get to sleep at nite, and I feel like a zombie the rest of the time. This has to end soon, surely.

So I cannot do much. I feel bad that I am just laying here all the time, it is driving Barry crazy. He got home early on Friday, and of course, I was asleep, which I always am lately.

I managed to get out of bed long enough to go to the movies Friday nite--we saw something I cannot remember right now. It was cute, whatever it was. Then we went to dinner, where I ordered Chili I could not eat for some reason, and went to Wal Mart and then to doctor the baby's leg, etc. I was so worn out after all that, but I could not fall asleep until 5am.

Saturday was the weigh-in for the end of the competition--I am down 23. 5 pounds. That is pretty dang good. I so want to work out again, but I cannot keep from coughing so it is still out of the question. It has been 10 days and now I will basically have to start all over again.

Since I cannot really DO anything, we went to the movies again, then to Lowe's then to the farm. Barry replaced a skylight in the roof which was damaged by the last storm, and I doctored everyone who needs it.

That is when things took a turn for the worse. I should have known things were going too well.

Barry got Tango's wrap off even though we had wanted to leave it on a few days--but it had slid down and things did not look good poking out of the top of it. That part was the easy part. It was so cold out that the salve that goes on the wound was not smearing well, so I had to put it on a bandage, then wrap that with the quilt, then put the polo wrap on it. Tango was in no mood for this. She fought like a banshee--she pawed, she struck, she reared up--she did it repeatedly, and every time, the medicated bandage would fly off, and we would have to start all over. I cannot believe how strong she is. I also cannot believe I did not get my head split open, because I was not about to let go of her when she was acting like that. For my efforts, I feel like I have been hit by a car not. All of that fighting got the blood flowing in the wound, which is great for her but not so great for me. I had blood all over the place--in my hair, all over my arms, on my face, etc. Since I had not planned to be there, I had no jacket and it was below freezing--so I was wearing Barry's. He was complaining that I was going to get medicine on it, so I had taken it off, and was freezing my ass off as she threw me around the stall. And of course that made me cough.

Can you picture that? Freezing my butt off, with blood all over me like I had been in a slaughterhouse, coughing like a three pack a day smoker---and Barry and I sniping at each other for not making it easier.

Yeah that was a treat. You do what you gotta do though, and she needed her leg wrapped and by God, was going to get it.

After that, we were to have dinner with Headleys--we were to meet them near their house then ride with them to the restaurant in Indiana. Our instructions were to stop at a certain exit on the interstate and wait at the hog barn. That was a first--I have not ever started a Saturday nite like that before, I don't believe. Dinner was excellent though--I have not eaten like that in months.

Back to bed I went, until today, when I had to get up and do it all over again. We met Barry's brothers and mom and niece and nephew near St Louis for lunch, for Barry's mom's birthday. I mostly coughed during it all, so I am sure that they did not enjoy me that much, but it was nice to see them. All that running got the best of me, and I fell asleep on the way home, while I tried to listen to the Illinois basketball game. That must have cursed them as they got beat--which they rarely do at home, and was disappointing. Not so disappointing that I could stay awake though. I took a real nap for more than three hours after the game was over, and I am so exhausted that I did not even move.

I sure hope I can get through the work day tomorrow, I need to go to work. I am just so tired from it all. I have been awake from more than two hours now and I think I have hit my limit.

I need this week to go well. It is foaling time, and the foalcam is not working, and that makes me anxious. I feel so behind at work, but I know I am not really since I got the big honking project done in the few hours I was there last week. Somehow, I feel very stressed lately, like I am about to pop and I do not feel like anything good is liable to come of it. I also feel like I am shouldering everything by myself, and no matter how hard I try to keep things moving forward with a minimum of drama, I cannot do everything on my own, and it frustrates me that I have to.

I am sure that I will feel better when I can exercise, which I hope is soon. Barry might be here this week, and he joined the other gym with me--so now we are members all over town, and yet I still cannot exercise--so he can go to spinning class with me. I hope that will help him be a little more supportive of how hard I am trying, if he actually sees how hard I am working. He seems to be the only one that is not really cheering me on with all the exercise and diet, and I do not know why that is, but it makes me sad. That and his family did not notice at all, so that is probably hurting my feelings a little bit--and I do not know why it bothers me, since really they do not have any interest in me (except Zach, he does or at least acts like it) so it is not like it is unexpected.

Man, I do not know where that came from. I guess I am wrapped a little tighter than I realized, and I have not even started complaining about the major things that are weighing on my mind. No wonder I am sick, I am beating my self up all the time.

I am tired of this

Friday's Paige-asters

Today I have for you a special offering for the Paige-is-not-fit-to-leave-her-house-files.

Since I worked so much this week, I was eligible to leave after 5 hours of work today--and I did. I went to check out my mom's new bathroom, which is pretty. Then I went to the gym, I shit you not. For an hour.

And that is where the second Paige-aster occurred.

I did 30 minutes on the treadmill. Because I have the weird circulation, that is not as easy as it sounds---I have nerve damage in my right leg and right foot, which means I do not feel much there. Oddly, that does not keep me from having horrid shooting pains sometimes, but the most common problem is that it sometimes feels like my foot is in a vice. It went pretty well today. That probably made me cocky.

I did my favorite leg machine, and several arm machines. I was more than done, since I had 5 errands to run and wanted to be napping by 5 pm--after all what is the point of getting off early if you cannot go to bed? Just before I quit though, I did that leg machine that you stand facing it, and lift the weights by swinging your leg across--there are like five positions you can to--it is good for hips thighs and your butt. All things that I need desperate help with.

I got all set up, and started the movements--I was doing great, controlling the movement well, like you are supposed to do to in order the get the most out of it. As I finished the first segment on it and was letting the weights back down to switch legs, guess what happened? The plate that you stand on as part of the machine shot out from under me! The stupid thing is supposed to be bolted down--but was it? Clearly not. It shot out towards the glass wall and threw me on my ass--knocking my ankle into the side of the machine, scraping it up and making me bleed all over the place. It also hurt like hell, by the way.

Man did that make me mad. Thank goodness no one else was in there to see it, but it would have been nice had that neanderthal owner been there to deal with it. I noticed some other machines like that too. He needs a wake up call that his little liability release does not cover his failure to maintain the equipment. I am such a bad ass for someone who was laying in the floor thinking about crying and wondering where her camera was when she really needed it.

I managed to live through that, and went to do the 14 errands-post office, water place, cleaners to see if they will replace the zippers in my jeans that don't work, bank to get money to pay Madison, stuff like that. It was already after 4 and I was not even close to asleep for my nap.

That raises the issue of my zippers. I love these jeans I have found, that are cheap and fit good and are comfy and look okay--but the zippers do not last long. Earlier this year, I took them to the Han guy who fixes things, and he refused to replace my zippers! He did one or two but would not do most of them, and tried to show me how to use a zipper. Dude, I know how to use a zipper, and I am confident they need new ones when I am walking around and cannot keep them zipped. Really WTF was that about? Anyway, I dropped them at a different place and they will send some out for me to be fixed--I only took 3 but it is a start. I probably have 3 other pairs that can use it. This is the sort of thing that excites me, having pants that do not expose my roll.

So I got all that done and got to the farm and thank Goodness, Madison was halfway into the feeding. It is a mess out there, it has been raining most of the week and there are places it seems like the water is almost a foot deep. This is all I could see of Target.

I am kidding. I could see more than that. But this was the cute part--all those little ear hairs sopping wet. He is not amused as I am.

We brought Gramps in and stripped his blanket off as he had himself all jacked up--Barry will put any ol blanket that is laying around on him, whether it fits or not. This time, Gramps had a belly strap BEHIND his legs and was so tangled up, he was walking like a geisha. When we stripped him off, I saw that he is looking pretty good, which is odd since turns out she has only been feeding him 5 pounds of senior with his beet pulp and oil---I thought she was feeding him 12 pounds of senior. What ever she is doing is working great, I was pleased with how he looks. We left him nekkid since he is staying in tonight, which was probably the wrong decision since Barry came home and said it is going to be in the 20s tonight. Gramps won't like that at all.

Now here I am with the long long post again, and I was trying not to do that. But I still have things to complain about. For example, Mojo was supposed to leave today. This is why I was out in the dark and rain last nite This is Mojo complaining that his schedule got changed. Now the transporters will not be here until Sunday evening. While that works out well for us in that Barry will be here to help, and they get along better than we do, it is not so good on the Pennsylvania end.

Lazy day and forming a gang

I got nothing. Nothing. NOT A THING to show on this blog today. The only picture I took all day was this one of Sly sleeping this morning on the way to work. I actually thought he was dead, since he was laid out flat and would not move when I hollered at him and when I honked at him---but he was just chilling in the warm sun.

Today I had lunch with a new person I mean to take up with and we have decided to form a gang. We need a name for three girls who practice law and are somewhat badly behaved. You all think on that for me.

After work, I went to the annual Appellate Court picnic at Rend Lake. It was a gorgeous day for it. I think the judges were relieved to have a few hours off for the ones who are up for re-election without campaigning, or watching their mouths or looking for the camera, and to relax with a cold beer and friends. Our Court has changed a lot over the last couple of years, and while it is hard to adjust to the climate of a new court, these sort of outings go a long way to helping us all get to know each other outside of the court room, and really they are a lot of fun. We had 6 of 7 AC justices there (the only one missing is the horsewoman), and I cannot count how many circuit court justices, as well as some US Attorneys and staff and federals.

It was a nice evening, and I am glad I went. Even if it kept me from taking a single dang picture all nite

I understand that Madison gutted stalls this afternoon, and Ammo was re-weaned. Let's hope it sticks this time!

No wonder my head always hurts

A sampling of conversations via email with my boss when I sent him a summary motion to approve before I filed it. I talked to him about the case yesterday and he agreed this was the way to go

But now we have to show him everything, so I emailed him the motion.

Boss: Has your supervisor looked at this?

Me: what supervisor? that system has not started yet, it starts in January (I only know this as it is a big deal to get this job as it pays 7500 extra a year and it has not even opened for apps yet)

Him: the assigned supervisors that started being assigned in july--

Me: I am doing this case as a favor for a co-worker, so I do not know if someone was assigned to it or not, and besides that, those are called backups (that we have always been able to choose on our own IF we felt like we needed one, now they are mandatory and we do not get to choose them, if one was already assigned), not supervisors. (you would think he would know this, it is his system)

Him: well did your supervisor see it?

me: (big sigh) I guess that would be you bucko. So that is what we are doing right here, see.

Him: oh. well it is fine, I put it in the transfer area.


Oy. When he starts that "has so and so seen this" it is usually a precursor to "this is a piece of shit, now fix it, and do a better job next time". So when you get that question, you assume you are in trouble, and your blood pressure goes up. Totally wasted in this case, as it was fine.

Second, we talked about this case at 4:30 pm yesterday and I stayed late to work on it and got it done today--and he cannot remember since yesterday? And what did he need to remember, it is a straightforward, boilerplate filing. He did not need to get tricky.

Now here is the thing, I made the changes he wanted, including removing a sentence that is in the form as it is so important. And then gave it to him, and what did he do? Write that sentence back in.

I am a hero!

Well blow me down--I just read today's mail at work, and there is a letter in there to whom it may concern.

That is almost never good.

It concerns me.

This dude is "honor and relieve" to have Mr/Mrs lawyer (that is me) to assist him in this criminal matter.

It is nice when your clients like you, as it is so uncommon that they keep liking you when you cannot do things the way they want you to do them

Still nice.

I wonder how long til he wants to kill me like so many others do?

Not a horse or a dog

I really do have a real job, and this is where the official part of it happens.

This is the Appellate Court of Illinois, Fifth Judicial District. It is about 150 years old, and used to serve as the Illinois Supreme Court. It has several claims to fame, but the most relevant to me is that Abraham Lincoln argued here on occasion, as he rode the circuit. That is pretty serious business to an Illinois lawyer, and there is definitely an air about the place that is historical. There are a lot of other important things that have happened here too, I will have to dig up the lieterature on it to make sure I am telling it right, and detail it all on here.

Every season, the building looks different, because of the beautiful trees, and the ground lighting. I will have to remember to take updated pics as things change.

Today is the day!

Woo hoo! After work today, we leave for St Louis to run errands, and stay in a hotel for our early flight to St Martin tomorrow. I don't know that I will have any internet access there for the entire 9 days I am gone---that will be freaky.

I made the mistake of watching the Killer Squid show on Discovery channel the other nite. That was dumb. It was about Humboldt squid that are in the Sea of Cortez and prove my point aht squid are not sacks of goo that look like octopus--they are SMART. I may never sleep through the nite again.

The Chicago trip was very nice, which is saying a lot from me as I am not a fan of Chicago. There have been well over 40 people exonerated in Illinois now, which is a whole other topic I will get into some time when I am not in theis huge rush, like I am today. John Grisham and Scott Turow were very funny. There were some big deal people there which was fun. We stayed in a great hotel--the Belden Stratford in Lincoln Park. We had the best view, and a huge suite with a damn dining room! We shoppped a bit on Michigan Avenue--I got new bags--I am always getting a new purse or bag it seems. We almost missed the train back--I think they may have actually held it for us!

What else? My Dad did not have his surgery yesterday because he had a fever so they had to reschedule. I remember that happening to me when I was little once too.

To get ready today, I have to go to two banks, take Thor to the kennel (I may try to make Barry do that, as I am afraid I will start crying when Thor realizes he is being left there), turn out two babies into the front pasture, feed everyone, make Barry fix a piece of fence he forgot about while I was gone, and pack just a few more things. That is not so much really.

An evening with Grisham and Turow

Tomorrow I am going to Chicago to do to a dinner honoring Ted, the head dude of this agency. Part of the festivities is dinner with Scott Turow and John Grisham.

http://www.law.northwestern.edu/wrongfulconvictions/Grisham_Turow_Details.html

It is part of a fundraiser for the Center for Wrongful Convictions and Northwestern University which is an incredible program that has impacted so many lives. I had one of the few epiphanies of my life there, before the Center was founded but as part of its inception

I was not going to go, as it is surely a bad time for me to be gone, but today I got jealous that Rita was going and I could not stand it, so I booked myself right it.

I will be gone from early morning until late Thursday nite.

Now to find some big girl clothes that are not wrinkled, dirty or too little.

Big changes coming

--at least the threat of big change is coming. The head dude of our agency, Ted, is finally retiring. Who will replace him is anyone's guess, but I really like Ted a lot and certainly he has been good for the agency. Our office is considered by many to be the premier appellate defender group in the country, so it is cool to be associated with it. Important points in my career thus far have been marked by a call from Ted telling me I did something good, or he is proud of my work--it will be wierd to have that gone. When someone like him compliments you, it carries a lot of weight since he has some of the best attorneys in the country working for him


October 17, 2007 Volume: 153 Issue: 204
Gottfried to step down as state appellate defender
By John Flynn Rooney
Law Bulletin staff writer

Theodore A. Gottfried, the first person to head the Office of the State Appellate Defender, will retire at year's end after steering the agency through sometimes troubled waters over 35 years.

Gottfried said Wednesday that he recently sent a letter to Illinois Supreme Court Chief Justice Robert R. Thomas informing the high court of his plan to retire on Dec. 31. As provided under state law, the Supreme Court will appoint Gottfried's replacement.

Thomas said in a statement Wednesday that Gottfried ''has been an outstanding steward of the appellate defender's office.''
Colleagues and friends credited Gottfried with dedicating himself to indigent clients and advancing the state's criminal justice system.
Gottfried is ''an icon,'' said Mary T. Robinson, who was tapped by the high court to head a three-member search committee charged with finding a successor. ''I think it's really important that he be replaced by someone who is equally as dedicated to the agency.''

Robinson, who resigned earlier this year as administrator of the Attorney Registration and Disciplinary Commission, said Gottfried was her boss when she worked for the office in the mid-1970s.

''Ted has been consistently dedicated to the clients of that agency and effective in ensuring that the agency's resources are being put to the best use of the clients.''

In 1972, the Supreme Court appointed Gottfried as state appellate defender. He had served as director of the Illinois Defender Project, the agency's predecessor.

The appellate defender's office started with about 15 lawyers working in offices in Chicago, Elgin, Ottawa, Springfield and Mount Vernon. The office now employs nearly 200 attorneys and has an annual budget of about $26 million.

Over the years, the office has expanded its duties beyond representing indigent criminal defendants on appeal, Gottfried said. For instance, staff lawyers now assist in capital trials in Chicago, Springfield and Belleville.

''Over the 35 years, both the [Illinois Supreme] court and the legislature have recognized [Gottfried's] abilities administering programs in a real efficient manner,'' said Michael J. Pelletier, the deputy who heads the state appellate defender's Chicago office.

The agency is ''extremely well respected … in large part because of Ted's excellent administrative abilities,'' added Pelletier, 56, who said he expects to apply for Gottfried's job.

Gottfried's administrative abilities have been put to the test, including when budget constraints were imposed in the mid-1990s.
''There were times when our budget was cut, we had to lay people off, yet our caseload continued to increase,'' Gottfried said.
He added, however, ''We've had great support from the court system and the bar in general.''

Gottfried said he enjoyed his work on a committee established by then-Gov. George H. Ryan that recommended drastic changes to the state's death penalty system.

Thomas said Gottfried's ''principal legacy will be the state's ongoing commitment to capital sentencing reform.''

''Under Ted's leadership,'' the chief justice continued, ''the appellate defender's office led the way in identifying some of the gravest problems in Illinois' death penalty system.''

Ralph Ruebner, who worked with Gottfried in the 1970s, credited Gottfried with having the vision to create the appellate defender program.

''This was really a pioneering effort,'' added Ruebner, academic dean at The John Marshall Law School. ''I guess his legacy is that other states have modeled themselves after Illinois,'' including Michigan.
In 1986, the American Bar Association and the National Legal Aid and Defender Association honored Gottfried's office as the outstanding public defender office in the country.

Norbert J. Goetten, director of the Illinois Office of the State's Attorneys Appellate Prosecutor, said Wednesday that Gottfried ''is one of the best in the profession. He has such integrity. He is a very skillful advocate, a dedicated and conscientious supervisor.''

Gottfried, who turns 67 early next month, might do some consulting work for the National Legal Aid and Defender Association, and he plans to travel to locales where he can pursue his hobby — scuba diving.
Joining Robinson on the search committee are Chicago lawyer Thomas M. Breen and Randall B. Rosenbaum, the Champaign County public defender.

State law requires that the appellate defender be licensed to practice law in Illinois, Robinson said. Robinson noted that resumes should be submitted by Nov. 16 in her name to State Appellate Defender Administrative Office, 400 W. Monroe St., Springfield, IL 62705.
The committee will then decide whom to interview, conduct the interviews and then recommend some action to the Supreme Court, possibly to appoint a replacement or conduct additional interviews, Robinson said. She expects the committee to make its recommendation by mid-December.

A judge that tells it like it is

"Stupidity is not a defense" and

"Stupidity is not a defense and not much of a mitiginating factor here either"

I just read this in a case I am reading. As much as I am sure the defendant did not want to hear it (and I am not saying it is appropriate in this case either), it is kind of nice to have a judge call it like he sees it instead of dressing up his thoughts in legal jargon. If we could all do that, a lot more would get accomplished around here, I suspect.

In other fun stuff in this case, the judge called a co-defendant a "tool". Whether he meant it in the pop culture sense, I do not know, but it is still funny. Then he said this--I swear, he really did- to the defendant "You can't handle the truth."

I don't care who you are, that is a funny judge.

Ain't it the truth!

"The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence."

H. L. Mencken

This sums up my afternoon thus far.

Then I have to remind myself that what the great Oliver Wendell Holmes said: "Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke."

I guess I should not be surprised.

A little known fact about me

Well not little known by you people that really know me, but for the rest of the world it will probably come as a shock. I actually have a job, and one that I have said for years is perfect for me and that I will never leave til they carry me out in a box.

But SOMETIMES, they push their luck with me.

Today's email:


To all employees:
(The Big Kahuna) has requested that I send this email to inform employees that our office will remain open and that you should report to work as usual. Even if the Governor orders a shutdown, we are under the Courts and will remain open. We are confident that you will be paid for your work.

Thank you.

Does this inspire confidence? I worry about things like Mastercard. Will they be swayed by my plea to not screw up my credit because the Governor of this Fine State cannot do his job and get a budget passed, and thus I did not get paid? I mean honestly, the fiscal year has ended on June 30 for how many years now and these fools act like they are shocked every year that they need to pass a new budget. The extension temporary budget they passed for July expires tonight at midnight, and as far as the news we have heard, they are not even close to passing a new one. How long am I expected to work for nothing? No matter how confident the powers that be in this agency are that we will get paid, I would like to know who is doing the paying since the Comptroller works for the State as well and won't be around to pay me unless a budget is passed.

Really. WTF?