Hard parts

Some times, life is just hard. This weekend was kind of hard.

I still don't feel good. I do not feel bad--just not GOOD. I am still tired, and I am coughing like crazy. I cannot get to sleep at nite, and I feel like a zombie the rest of the time. This has to end soon, surely.

So I cannot do much. I feel bad that I am just laying here all the time, it is driving Barry crazy. He got home early on Friday, and of course, I was asleep, which I always am lately.

I managed to get out of bed long enough to go to the movies Friday nite--we saw something I cannot remember right now. It was cute, whatever it was. Then we went to dinner, where I ordered Chili I could not eat for some reason, and went to Wal Mart and then to doctor the baby's leg, etc. I was so worn out after all that, but I could not fall asleep until 5am.

Saturday was the weigh-in for the end of the competition--I am down 23. 5 pounds. That is pretty dang good. I so want to work out again, but I cannot keep from coughing so it is still out of the question. It has been 10 days and now I will basically have to start all over again.

Since I cannot really DO anything, we went to the movies again, then to Lowe's then to the farm. Barry replaced a skylight in the roof which was damaged by the last storm, and I doctored everyone who needs it.

That is when things took a turn for the worse. I should have known things were going too well.

Barry got Tango's wrap off even though we had wanted to leave it on a few days--but it had slid down and things did not look good poking out of the top of it. That part was the easy part. It was so cold out that the salve that goes on the wound was not smearing well, so I had to put it on a bandage, then wrap that with the quilt, then put the polo wrap on it. Tango was in no mood for this. She fought like a banshee--she pawed, she struck, she reared up--she did it repeatedly, and every time, the medicated bandage would fly off, and we would have to start all over. I cannot believe how strong she is. I also cannot believe I did not get my head split open, because I was not about to let go of her when she was acting like that. For my efforts, I feel like I have been hit by a car not. All of that fighting got the blood flowing in the wound, which is great for her but not so great for me. I had blood all over the place--in my hair, all over my arms, on my face, etc. Since I had not planned to be there, I had no jacket and it was below freezing--so I was wearing Barry's. He was complaining that I was going to get medicine on it, so I had taken it off, and was freezing my ass off as she threw me around the stall. And of course that made me cough.

Can you picture that? Freezing my butt off, with blood all over me like I had been in a slaughterhouse, coughing like a three pack a day smoker---and Barry and I sniping at each other for not making it easier.

Yeah that was a treat. You do what you gotta do though, and she needed her leg wrapped and by God, was going to get it.

After that, we were to have dinner with Headleys--we were to meet them near their house then ride with them to the restaurant in Indiana. Our instructions were to stop at a certain exit on the interstate and wait at the hog barn. That was a first--I have not ever started a Saturday nite like that before, I don't believe. Dinner was excellent though--I have not eaten like that in months.

Back to bed I went, until today, when I had to get up and do it all over again. We met Barry's brothers and mom and niece and nephew near St Louis for lunch, for Barry's mom's birthday. I mostly coughed during it all, so I am sure that they did not enjoy me that much, but it was nice to see them. All that running got the best of me, and I fell asleep on the way home, while I tried to listen to the Illinois basketball game. That must have cursed them as they got beat--which they rarely do at home, and was disappointing. Not so disappointing that I could stay awake though. I took a real nap for more than three hours after the game was over, and I am so exhausted that I did not even move.

I sure hope I can get through the work day tomorrow, I need to go to work. I am just so tired from it all. I have been awake from more than two hours now and I think I have hit my limit.

I need this week to go well. It is foaling time, and the foalcam is not working, and that makes me anxious. I feel so behind at work, but I know I am not really since I got the big honking project done in the few hours I was there last week. Somehow, I feel very stressed lately, like I am about to pop and I do not feel like anything good is liable to come of it. I also feel like I am shouldering everything by myself, and no matter how hard I try to keep things moving forward with a minimum of drama, I cannot do everything on my own, and it frustrates me that I have to.

I am sure that I will feel better when I can exercise, which I hope is soon. Barry might be here this week, and he joined the other gym with me--so now we are members all over town, and yet I still cannot exercise--so he can go to spinning class with me. I hope that will help him be a little more supportive of how hard I am trying, if he actually sees how hard I am working. He seems to be the only one that is not really cheering me on with all the exercise and diet, and I do not know why that is, but it makes me sad. That and his family did not notice at all, so that is probably hurting my feelings a little bit--and I do not know why it bothers me, since really they do not have any interest in me (except Zach, he does or at least acts like it) so it is not like it is unexpected.

Man, I do not know where that came from. I guess I am wrapped a little tighter than I realized, and I have not even started complaining about the major things that are weighing on my mind. No wonder I am sick, I am beating my self up all the time.

I am tired of this