15 minutes of hell, etc

I have a new anti-anxiety trick--designed to help squelch the ridiculous anxiety I can get over stupid things--like the laundry. I am supposed to do whatever thing I procrastinate about for 15 minutes, so that it is not overwhelming and does not get out of hand.

My counselor had me order a book that has all kinds of anti-anxiety tricks in it--a lot of behavior modification stuff. I actually ordered it the day she told me to, but it is not here yet. I hope it comes tomorrow. Evidently, I waste a lot of energy being so anxious. I guess that does not surprise me, but it was pretty eye opening for her to be able to pick out the things I do (like make lists obsessively, do everything either all the way or not at all, etc) that are classic responses to anxiety. Huh. Guess that is what she gets the big bucks for huh? Smart lady.

I guess this is as good a time as any to stop that shit, and learn how to have different responses to situations than I have had prior to this. It is like I sabotage myself by letting things get out of control, and there is no good reason for it.

In any event, the 15 minute trick is something I am going to start applying right away. I am going to start it on the laundry, which is not out of control yet but the baskets are full. I swear I am going to get out of this damn chair and put it up for 15 minutes. After 15 minutes I am allowed to quit if I want to. But for that 15 minutes, I cannot do anything else, like answer the phone, go to the bathroom--nothing.

And yes I realize that since I am spending all the time typing this, I am not actually starting the 15 minutes. Yep. I know that. Doing it anyway.

My other projects for this week are to get the pool started--I did get the filter set up with mom's help tonight. I mowed the yard at the farm tonite, and need to haul the mower here to do this one. It looked so nice when it was all freshly mown, and the landscaping looks so good. My flowers are even in good shape still! I have not killed them yet. I have to clean my car out--AGAIN. Supposedly there is a $600 check in there that came in the mail--I don't think it has come, but if it has, it is in that car somehwere. I have to re-paint the bathroom. I have to figure out what is up with my camera--it went berserk this weekend and if it is on the skids, I have to get a new one before vacation, which is in 13 days. I sure hope its not kaput. I have to clean out the horse trailer--which I managed to drive myself to camping this weekend and did okay. My neighbor at the farm is going to park it for me so I do not knock the barn down trying to do it--its just too damn big to manuever it myself. Ideally, I would get cracking on cleaning the garage, but since it is going to be in the high 90s this week, I suspect I will not be doing any such thing, anytime soon. I need to update my website with baby pics of the foals--which I guess means I need to take some of those huh? I should run some ads too to try to sell some of the ones that I still want to sell. Hope the camera is not crapped out, or that will have to wait.

See there I go again--procrastinating. Damn it. In four minutes, I am starting the timer.

Gabi Chronicles --Part II

More from the Gab-let, almost immediately upon her arrival in Qatar:

Gabi just called the police on her Mickey phone regarding her brother. Her exact words, "Hello. Police man? Our little Noodle is having a hard time. He is not making good choices. Can you come? Thanks." To me, "The police will be here right away."

Gabi Chronicles

Since I cannot seem to stay on top of things here, I will randomly stick in funny things Mandy tells me about Gabi and Crews. Last week, they moved to Qatar in the Middle East to join Edward, who is still working for Exxon. Since Qatar is an Arab country, it is very conservative, so you can imagine how this family will do there--it could get dicey.

In any event, this is one of the first stories Mandy sent, and it came today:

The other day we went to a local supermarket. Gabi was sitting in the seat of her cart and a man and woman in traditional dress (men wear white thobes, women usually wear black hijab and abaya) walked by. Many locals wear these and there were several people walking around her wearing the same thing. I don't know if it was because they passed pretty closely by her or what. But they were about 5 feet away and she whispered reverently to me, "Mommy, I just saw a ghost. A ghost. I just saw a ghost."

Needless to say, I almost pissed myself

Partial reveals

I cannot wait to show you all the changes around here. These first two photos are the laundry room after Jackie threw away almost everything in it. Jodi and I did what we were told. Normally, there are blankets piled over my head in the corner where the trash can is. Now they are all put up. There are usually boxes of stuff removed from my car that never make it past the laundry room. I cannot even remember the funniest thing that we found in them--but I do know there was a full can of beer with a born on date of 2009 on it. And God knows what else, but I am sure Jackie or Jodi will remember. Also the dryer is always covered with stuff--and dog hair. No more!

This is the laundry room closet--usually, if you open the doors, things fall out. Now there are just a row of hampers on the bottom (pretty much empty because the laundry is mostly done--can you believe it?), and suitcases on the top. Empty suitcases at that--although that took a lot of doing. I tend to not unpack them when I get home from places. In one, I found a bunch of cheese sticks. And a scuba diving doo rag. And clothes with the tags still on. It really was funny

This is what Jodi and I did before Jackie got here. We emptied the linen closet at the end of the hall. My goal was to pitch all the sheets that were full size, since I have not owned a full size bed in so long. We also pitched sheets that were just worn out, or had holes in them, or just were wrong in some way (like had pictures of dalamations on them--WTF?) It took at least two LARGE trash cans to pitch most of it. And look how swell it is now? I have not yet done the top section which is where just things live. Maybe soon. Now the sheets are organized by size--king size closest to the room with king size bed in it, and queen on the right. There are at least 30 pillowcases and no one knows why. I even still had a duvet cover that was a wedding gift--good LORD, was that long past its time. Out it went. Neither Jodi or I could believe the sheer volume of bed stuff that came out of there. Now it is organized and there is even a section for throw blankets, which never really had anywhere to live

This is the newly painted and carpeted murder room. It is all happy and sunshiney in there. I need to buy proper furniture, but I do not have to do everything at once, now do I? And new blinds. Meanwhile though, it is clean and organized

I will paint that bookcase white one of these days. And come up with something to put on the walls.

This is the landscaping after Jackie and Jodi beat themselves half to death to get it cleaned up on Sunday. It looks so much better, I cannot believe it. Things just get out of hand sometimes, and it seems overwhelming to do it. Plus, I have not really had any help for so long, it really got bad. Now I pull in to the drive and am pretty dang happy to see it. It is a great feeling, and I cannot thank them enough.

These are the flowers mom and I planted tonight. I needed something there, but Jackie was sure the rocks would make it hard to keep anything going. That may explain why things have always died there--too much heat. Jodi suggested a container, but with dogs the size of cars, and a pig who takes moving items as a personal challenge, I had no idea what would work. So I am trying this. It is really heavy anyway, but we put dead concrete block parts in the bottom to weigh it down and allow for better drainage. Two bags of soil, and special miracle gro moisture control stuff, and some happy flowers, and this how it looks. The first animal that screws with it is getting an ass kicking, but I seriously doubt it can be hauled off.

In addition to planting the flowers tonight, Mom assisted in the breeding of Lassie's mom by Sly. I absolutely love that horse. The first breeding of the year is always a little nerve wracking because a 1000 pound horny man on a rope leash is just not the safest thing in the world, no matter how good a boy he is. Sly was a good boy though.

I also fixed the fence in the front pasture, and put Cash's baby back in the right place a bunch of times. Then we came here, planted the flowers, and then took the chainsaw to the mess in the backyard. I had done some damage last night with the hedge trimmer but it was going to take more than that--so tonight the chainsaw got after it. There is so much to clean up, but it needs to dry further so I can see what needs to be pulled out and what is still attached. Mom is hell on wheels with the plug in chainsaw. While she cut up stuff, I rounduped what must be the most serious stalks of poison some damn thing I have ever seen in my life--now please pray that I do not get attacked by the poison like I usually do. I also went after the weeds in the pool landscaping, and another area, but there is a slice or something in the wand part of my backpack sprayer, so I probably did not do a very good job. One more thing to replace, I guess--I am going to own Lowe's before this is over.

Finally, I got the nerve up to repaint--just touch up-- the wall in the orange bedroom that Thor scratched bald running in his sleep. It will take another coat on that wall, but already there is an amazing difference. Hopefully I can get that done tomorrow nite, and that will be one more project that has waited many years too long to get done.

As far as current on-going projects, that leaves only the bathroom to be finished and it is close. My custom cabinet doors arrived at the designers today so I will pick them up tomorrow and pay her bill--that will be a little frightening, but I know what to expect from that. The labor--God only knows what will happen. He should be here this week to finish up, replace a bunch of light fixtures all over the house, do some little things to fix the drawer tracks in some kitchen drawers, etc

Mostly, I feel like a rock star. And exhausted rock start, but still a rock star. I think a lot of this energy comes from the sun finally coming out, as well as some other personal things that are giving me some adrenaline rushes. But I will take it where I can get it!

Et cetera

I have no idea where that post from last week went. Blogger had some issues and some stuff just went poof. Weird

Today has been a complicated day. First order of business was me waking up way too early and going to work. On the way, I called my round bale man to arrange delivery of the last of my bales, and they are GONE. You can imagine how that went over with me. I was not even to the office yet, and I was in a bind. I worked it out though with a different supplier before I even got to work--that made me feel like I was totally on the ball.

As soon as I got there, I got an email telling me I have been appointed to the public defender association board. Okay.

I do not remember what went berserk next. I was working my little brain to the nub in there, I do know that. I went to the gym, and I was already sore from all the landscaping work this weekend, so it was a tough workout. I got some good news at the end of it that made my whole day perk up.

Things got a little better in the afternoon, although I felt like I was making no work progress. Came home, mowed the yard, and felt all virtuous about how good the landscaping works and having the whole yard mowed on a MONDAY. I went to the farm to get the trailer to move the mower over there, and I knew things looked weird. Someone had MOWED the yard at the farm for me! I did not know who, but it looked great. Most of it was done. I could not believe it.

I texted Scott and asked him if he did it--but I did not think so, because it looked different than when he did it. There were some hard parts left to do, so I fed everyone, ran the water and took the trailer home to get the mower anyway. I got back and did some of the hard parts, still wondering what in the world had happened there.

Not until I was ready to head home did I find out who had mowed my yard--it was the kid across the street. Isn't that the sweetest thing? I texted back what a great surprise it was and thanked them profusely. It was a great thing to do, and really made me feel good. Plus it looked way better than if I had done it!

There was still daylight when I got home, so I took the hedge trimmers to the landscaping around the back patio. Those bushes are out of control, and the weeds in them are so bad, they are trees now. The bushes should be three or four feet tall and they are seven or eight. Or they were. I trimmed until dark. They do not look good, and are still too big, and I probably killed the, but I do not care. They will be easier to rip out if they are dead and should probably go. Jackie will kill me though because I did not pick up the clippings. Tomorrow I will at least pile them up--and maybe burn the damn things right where they lay--it would be way easier than hauling them off. I so might really do that.

Once it got dark, I came in and started the new paint that Jodi and I chose for the bathroom. The remodel is almost done, but I decided that the color I had painted it was not good, so we picked a new one. I just did a little bit, to get ready for the new cabinet doors that should be here soon.

I cannot believe I have done that much work in one day. Im scaring myself, I swear.

Door to Door Wildlife

We just moved offices in December and now are not in big downtown MtV...we are more on the edge of town, albeit in an area with new office buildings going up all the time. Just today on the few miles between there and my front door, I saw enough animals that I started getting my camera out.

This was part of a herd of 20 or so deer just outside of our parking lot

And this unfortunate looking dude was on the side of the road by my house

And of course, just outside my front door---the most handsome of them all....the Baconator. Who is missing his friend Charlie, who I have not seen in a few weeks. I assume he is out whoring around, but of course, I have no evidence of that. I miss him though, and I know Boce does.

Squeak's baby girl

Born on April 29--the day of the Royal Wedding--here is Squeak's baby girl by Snorty Lena. She is cute cute cute, and has more chrome than anyone deserves

They are so funny looking when they are first born arent they? All joints and points and big heads.
I think she is a beauty.
And this is today--she likes the mud more than any baby I have ever had. Things are drying up at an amazing rate, considering how much rain we have had, but she manages to find the muddies spot to play in. The other two babies are perfectly clean other than their legs. This one is a disaster.

I have been calling her Snorty, but that is not a real name. Squeaks N Snorts might be her registered name--I just thought of that one.

Miscellaneous

I was asked whether I would keep this blog going in light of the new one.

Yes. In fact, this will still be my main one. The other is much more limited in scope and while I am sure it will be busy for a while, that may not last as things get less interesting.

I will do better about keeping up with this one. I had some photoshop issues, have been AWOL being social, etc, and really just needed to take a break. I am back in business though.

In other news, My parents' hometown is being evacuated due to flooding. Most of my family lives right on the Mississippi River, and all hell is breaking loose. Aunt Jana is going to fetch Gran Gran because of the evacuation and bring her up here for a little while. I cannot imagine losing your house, or other important stuff, but it is not the first time it has happened there. A few years ago, a cousin was swept away in floodwaters there and it took a long time to find him. A tornado destroyed another cousin's house several years ago, and I always loved that place--I thought of it kind of as the seat of the whole family. It was a big ol house with a huge porch and tree-lined driveway and ratty old tennis courts--then BAM, bricks everywhere. That still makes me sad.

Good news though--Aunt Jana's cancer doctor told her today that he cannot find any cancerous cells in her lungs. WOW. They are going to do three more episodes of chemo over the next three months, but no more radiation and then just keep an eye on it. She is still on oxygen, but otherwise this has been a relatively easy treatment and it worked. That is amazing!

Last piece of news--the bathroom is halfway done. The new floor is in, the vanity, and the new toilet is in--we are still waiting on the granite top and sink, but hope it will be here next week. As soon as it happens, I will do pics

Its going live!

The new blog is kicking off--but since it is a private one, I have to have an email address to send you an invitation. For those of you who said you were interested, and for which I have a regular email address, I likely already sent you an invitation.

However, since it is me, and I screw up half of what I do, it is possible I did it wrong. It is also possible that you have to have a wordpress.com ID, since that is who is hosting it. Hell if I know, this is a whole new format to me.

But I do know that you do not want to miss out on this.

Send me an email to paigestrawn at gmail dot com with the address you want me to send the invitation to, as well as an explanation (if I don't already know you well) of who you are. I am not trying to be exclusive, just trying to protect myself and make sure I do not accidentally end up with half of Barry's family on there. Not that I do not love them even though evidently the feelings are not returned, I just do not want to hurt anyone's feelings, or say anything that would upset him in a format that is irresponsible.

I am going to be pretty damn honest on there, and be warned--it may get ugly. You may or may not think much of me sometimes, but it is about time I started worrying about me and who I really am instead of dressing up and pretending to be someone else.

If you can handle it, come on--

New blog idea

I am going to start a new blog, at AmyB's insistence.

I need a place to tell the crazy stories of things that are happening to me, but my regular blog is no place for them. She is sure I need to write this stuff down. Adventures of a newly single person is hardly a new story in the world, but since it is me, I am sure it will be absurd all the way around--at least so far it has been.

For one, too many people know about this blog. I want to be able to talk about things I do not want the world to know...well certain people in the world, that is. This one is just way too big for me to be telling some of the things I need to tell. Facebook is damn sure no place even for the subtle references that a few people will get--the rest of the world does not need to know.

We have been calling my re-entry into the single world my "Catch and Release" program. Unfortunately, that name is taken. We also refer to this stage as life in a halfway house--like recovery from marriage/divorce.

So any ideas for a name? Send em in, and I will get it set up--already there are some stories that need to be told.

And let me know if you want in on it--