Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Things of note ALREADY today

And since it is 9:54 am, some of you people will realize that I have been awake for less than an hour. I do not do mornings, which is also why I went to all that school--so I could set my own hours. And hallelujah, I do.

So anyway...pretty normal waking up because Slater was kicking me in the kidneys--I woke up thinking it was Thor. That is what he did--that made me a little melancholy and not want to get out of bed.

But I did, as I was excited to get to work and start a new project with someone using a unique method o' murder, which always gets me wound up.

First, I had to find the shaving cream, and we appear to be down to one can and Barry takes it and does not put it back in my shower. Also, I needed toilet paper, and was deathly afraid I would have to go to the trailer to find some as it was the only place I KNEW we had some. I happened on a whole new pack in a very strange place, which was a nice surprise, but that led me to turning over the laundry. Halfway through that, I realized it did not smell so good, so probably it should be washed again. Now there is a dilemma for me--do I take the stuff out of the dryer and put it back in the washer with the other half I had not moved yet? Or just stick a dryer sheet in there and call it good? That is what I chose--except, of course, we are out of dryer sheets. I knew I should not have started this crap. Argh.

Then I went off to get in the shower, and of course was all the way in there when I realized I never found the shaving cream. This never should have happened. Now what does a man need with my strawberry fusion skintimates, I ask you? I guess it goes well with his girl razors he uses, but I bet he just carries them around and does not shave at all. I hope he enjoys it on his trip to Kentucky, as I had to use soap and there is not a woman alive who can successfully shave with just soap and not hurt herself.

I got myself lined out, found the only clean pair of shorts in the house and put them on, with a t-shirt out of the laundry basket.

Before I left, I had to get Slater out of bed, and give the girls all of their meds. Simba is still on antibiotics, which she takes twice a day, so I had to call her in and bribe her to eat it. That is always a chore, even with easy cheese all over it, which is of course, now on my shirt as well. Oh well, people would not recognize me if I showed up in a shirt with no blemishes.

Next was Tequila's two dex pills to try to get her sholder fixed. I dosed them up with cheese, got some treats to give her with them, and them remembered that the pig needs his Flintstone vitamin as well.

Picture this--my purse, and my big camera over my shoulder. A cheesy pair of pills and some Carry-out treats in my left hand, and an orange Flintstones vitamin in my right and I go marching out the door. Pig rushes me, knowing I have my hands full and tries to take Tequila's meds, and I crack him in the head with the big lens of my camera (on accident, I SWEAR), so he spit on me and rubbed his dirty snoot on my legs. I get him lined out with his vitamin and make my way to the car where I can put my stuf on the hood and track Tequila down to give her the steroids. She wants no part of that, so she runs off in a herky jerky spastic way---I sure wish I had my video camera as that was straight up funny. This adds evidence that her "woe is me" act last nite was in fact an act, so it was worth it to chase her down.

I get her caught and jam those steroids down her throat and she hacks them back up. Three times. And of course, she was squirming and squirming so I had to hold on to her collar the whole time this was going on, and now I have spit all over my shirt too.

I was sure glad to get in the car and try to get down the driveway. On the way I had to stop and try to take pics of Sly mooning over Twister--he sure missed him while Twist was at the farm, and looks glad to have him back. While I was watching, he bit Twist on the butt and got kicked in his head for it. I hope those pics came out. They are quite the pair, it is a classic love affair. He is an equal opportunity lover, I guess, and had not gotten the memo that studs are supposed to be live alone--his little heart has been broken while Twist was gone and he was left only with Fonzie to play with

Whew--that was a lot of work, just to get to work.

It was not over yet. As I was talking to Rita, eating PopTarts, she noticed that there is an 11 x 14 photo of brains sticking out of a box. How long have I been looking at that and not nothing that it was brains? Now that I know, we had to turn it around, as it is tacky to eat Poptarts in the presence of brains.

The rest of the day I guess I will wonder if it is normal to not recognize brains when they are looking right at you like that. At least during business hours, that is what I am going to do.
After work, I have to fix a funny weaning faux pas that I will post about later--hopefully with photos.


Lorna said...

You crack me up - good thing I didn't have a mouthful of coffee.

I think you should always grab 2 shirts - one to GET you to the car and to the work parking lot and the other to change into in the parking lot!

There you go. Solved. next.....

the cubicle's backporch said...

Holy cow. I've been up since 5:30 and haven't been through that much 'stuff'. hee hee.

Paige said...

Can you imagine the damage I could do if I got up at a reasonable hour? Ridiculous. I do not think the world could take the fallout, so I will not impose myself on them

Paige said...

Lorna, that would be worth doing if I gave a shit about my dirty shirt. but I do not. and then you know I would end up arrested for changing clothes in the parking lot of the police station

Lorna said...

Naw, they wouldn't arrest you - they'd just chuckle - and say - that's Paige!

The Wife said...

Too funny! My dogs always seem to get paw prints on my slacks, drool on my shirt or rip my pantyhouse before I can get in the truck in the mornings. But it seems your obstacle course is much worse than mine!

Heather T said...

Have you ever tried Liver Sausage/Braunschweiger for their pills? It works WONDERS! I had a dane Ruby Luna who is waiting for my at Rainbow Bridge who could find her pills in ANYTHING and could take the cheese and spit out the pills. Well we discovered the Liver Sausage stuff and she would literally JUMP to catch her pills in her mouth! A little bit goes a LONG way too. I love reading your blog...very entertaining and sounds a lot like my house although without the horse.

Anonymous said...

Heather has it RIGHT ! ! ! A great "food" to hide pills in and by the way Kitty Kats love it too. Two for the price of one. Liver sausage that is.

But geez, your "antics" of daily life would leave us all sad and nothing to laugh at for the day.

Do you want to be responsible for sad friends??????

Hehehe and enjoy Carol

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