Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Is there such a thing as being TOO self-aware?

I am not one of those people who does not know what is going on in her head or why it is going on. I am sure there are some people who would disagree but this is not something I question--I TRY really hard to understand how my brain works.  My counselor says there are people with issues, and people with insight into their issues and I am the second kind.  However, knowing WHY I feel the way I do, and do the things I do is not helping me change things that I need to change.

For example, today I am having one of those days where being in pain is causing me to crack a little bit. I know it will be gone by tomorrow, so I should not indulge it or let it bother me much, but all I want to do is cry.

And about WHAT?  My life is awesome. I have good things happening in my family--Dad is cancer free as of yesterday, Mandy moves in her new house tomorrow, and mom is going to Houston to see her grandchildren.  I love my job, more all the time and actually enjoy being there, although I am struggling to get through the days especially if it is not super busy, because I just do not have the stamina to stay upright, wearing clothes, for nine hours. I have good friends who are fun to be around and are good people that I am proud to know.  I have a brilliant boyfriend who cares about me and makes me laugh about the most absurd things, but that gets me in lots of ways that really matter.  So life is good.

Its got to be these damn pain meds that are making me crazy.

It better just hurry up and get over, because I am losing patience with myself,  I cannot imagine the rest of the world must feel!

3 comments:

Alicia Marshall said...

Paige you are still recovering from your last surgery and you are still adjusting to a new job. Be kind to yourself ! That is all .

KarenTX said...

Sure hope things are better now! :o)

Paige said...

yes Karen--way better. I swear the anasthesia and painkillers build up in me until I have a full on come-apart. Cried like a baby for several hours, then it started to dissipate. Those strong reactions scare me though, as I am glad to have moved away from some extreme feelings--I dont want them to ever come back.

Now all the strong feelings I have are good ones--I can get along with that

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