Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Why I cannot wear panty hose properly

If it is not hard enough to get back to work full time, which according to my original FMLA paperwork, could start on October 8, it had to be hell week for me this week.  Not to mention that when that paperwork was filled out, no one knew there would be three extra surgeries in there.  In any event, even if I was not supposed to try to be back at work full time this week, I would need to be because I have so much to do that cannot be delayed.

I had oral argument yesterday and today.  That would not be noteworthy, except that you cannot go to court in yoga pants.  And no suits fit me right now---so I got some new cute dresses that I love, and just figured I would suffer through the panty hose thing, and that the Court would cut me some slack considering my obvious complications.  I tried to get thigh highs so I did not have to worry about a waistband getting anywhere near my ab wounds, but it was not a successful venture.

To say I have a difficult relationship with panty hose is putting it mildly.  My legs are short but there is a lot to them---even if it is muscle, it takes up space. Once I get them damn things on, it is a constant battle keeping them where I put them...and I could tell you stories for hours about places I have been where my panty hose fell down, or strangled me so that I damn hear fell down--you name it, panty hose have done it to me.

So I went to court---wore my new red dress, and the damned panty horse and cockily thought I had this handled.  Um no.  Even before my argument, the panty hose had mashed my ab wounds and dressings so much that the dressings squished fluid out, and leaked a spot right smack on the front of my dress. Can you imagine?  It never got worse than that, thank God, so I am sure no one but me even noticed that at all, but I spent the next hour in fear that it would get worse and I would be standing in front of the Court making some very important legal points, with leakage dripping off my new dress.  It was not the ideal situation.

As soon as that was over, I hauled my butt home and promptly fell asleep.  So much for working a full day--I had to take a couple of sick hours to make up for it but still had to go back in that afternoon to prepare for another case today.  I did learn something important that I was able to use today--

Screw the pantyhose any chance you can get! I did not wear them today and was able to make it through an entire 8.5 hour day.  Looking back on it, I think the pain from the squeeze was what caused my legs and torso to shake the whole time I was at court, so I wore myself out trying to brace myself against it.  I sure did eliminate that problem today- and the Court has not asked me to turn in my bar card, so I guess it was okay.

Now pray they do not set me for another argument in November!



2 comments:

Swamp Donkey said...

Nod intention at making you laugh. I was looking for some business opportunities on the web when I caught you malfunction junction mishap with the panty hose. It made me smile, and your real ness, if I can say it that way came shinning through. I am a newly retired street cop, been a Sheriff, K-9 handler, investigator, etc, etc. I just have to tell you my experience with panty hose. I was a young newly married fellow and hunting season was upon us, wanting to impress my beautiful bride, I went hunting with my Dad, hoping to bring home a real catch. We were very poor in those days and I did not have the insulated underwear to keep me warm. Soooo, I hard heard how those panty hose keep you gals warm and toasty. Well long story short it all went pretty well until nature called, and I am wearing 501 button up Levies. Well that was a damn circus trying to hold my mare unbutton the jeans all with finger so cold the felt like sticks. When I got to the panty hose, trying to hide what I had done from Dad, how the hell am I going to get them down far enough to get the job done. Well that was my last outing with the girls gear, I would rather freeze it off than go through that again.

Christine said...

My goodness! A little funny to read of, but I'd be mortified to be in that situation - you poor thing!

I'm in complete agreeance, no need for pantyhose!

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