All my worlds collided

And even I had to laugh at this foolishness. I have the weirdest life. There are so many different parts of my world, and they are pretty antithetical to each other. I am a little bit regular person, a lot of lawyer, a wife, huge part animal lover, a person who likes new experiences, etc. I can go from farm girl, to fancy lawyer arguing a murder case, to a clumsy oaf in aerobics class in an hour or less. And I do, all the time. But it is rare that I get caught by one part of me while I am playing another.

Today, I had a big win at work. That was swell, because it does not happen very often and it certainly does not happen where this one did. My day got even better, because it was gorgeous outside, about 72 degrees and sunny. I spent my lunch hour feeding and watering the horses, and moving hay etc, so I could go to St Louis. There I was fetching my mother, who has spent the week running a gorgeous bed and breakfast called the Fleur de Lys Mansion . We went for a walk, to show her Barry's neighborhood that she has not spent any time in since she lived here before I was born.

Barry was delayed getting home from work. That gave us time to go get a beer. We had walked past all the sidewalk tables of people enjoying the weather, and who can really resist that for long? The closest bar to Barry's apartment is a gay bar. It is always busy, but there was an empty table on the sidewalk.

We got settled, got drinks and waited. And that is when all my worlds ran into each other.

I spent twenty minutes on the cell phone with my Amish workers, while I sat at a gay bar with my mother in the middle of the day, after exercising.

That is a lot of funny parts of my world running into each other at once.

FYI: The reason I came to St Louis was to pick up a truck. Barry finally found what he wanted, and we got her bought. He did great--made the deal himself, bought the truck for way under the money, and it is really pretty. He got a 2008 Toyota Tundra. It has had the recall stuff done to it, so no worries on that front. I have not been in it yet, but it is nice. When it comes home this weekend, I will get some pics of it. This means the big truck can come home and sit in the driveway to wait until I need it to haul something, and I can still drive my SUV every day. Win win for everyone!

More funnies from kids

And this is one I know. My friend Jackie's son Jack is getting to the funny stage.

This morning they had this conversation when she was dressing him. She put his shirt on him and this ensued.

JACK: Do I have scary hair?

JACKIE: Yes

JACK: Dammit.


At least this is one they cannot blame on me

All about Angels

ANGELS EXPLAINED BY CHILDREN

I only know the names of two angels, Hark and Harold ~~~Gregory, 5

Everybody's got it all wrong. Angels don't wear halos anymore. I forget why, but scientists are working on it. ~~~Olive, 9

It's not easy to become an angel! First, you die. Then you go to Heaven, and then there's still the flight training to go through. And then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes. ~~Matthew, 9

Angels work for God and watch over kids when God h as to go do something else. ~~~Mitchell, 7

My guardian angel helps me with math, but he's not much good for science. ~~~Henry, 8

Angels don't eat, but they drink milk from Holy Cows!!! ~~~Jack, 6

Angels talk all the way while they're flying you up to heaven. The main subject is where you went wrong before you got dead. ~~~Daniel, 9

When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten. And when he lets out his breath, somewhere there's a tornado. ~~~Reagan, 10

Angels have a lot to do and they keep very busy. If you lose a tooth, an angel comes in through your window and leaves money under your pillow. Then when it gets cold, angels go south for the winter. ~~~Sara, 6

Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his son, who's a very good carpenter. ~~~Jared, 8

All angels are girls because they gotta wear dresses and boys didn't go for it. ~~~Antonio, 9

My angel is my grandma who died last year. She got a big head start on helping me while she
was still down here on earth. ~~~Lynn, 9

Some of the angels are in charge of helping heal sick animals and pets. And if they don't make the animals get better, they help the child get over it. ~~~Vicki, 8

What I don't get about angels is why, when someone is in love, they shoot arrows at them.

A funny from Dr Doom

Bush Meets Moses

Recently, while going through an airport during one of his many trips,President Bush encountered a man with long gray hair and beard, wearing a white robe and sandals, holding a staff.

President Bush went up to the man and said, "Has anyone told you that you ook like Moses?" The man didn't answer. He just kept staring straight ahead. The president said, "Moses!" in a loud voice. The man just stared ahead, never acknowledging the president.

The president pulled a Secret Service agent aside and, pointing to the robed man, asked him, "Am I crazy or does that man not look like Moses to you?" The Secret Service agent looked at the man and agreed. "Well," said the president, "every time I say his name, he ignores me and stares straight ahead, refusing to speak. Watch!" Again the president yelled, "Moses!" and again the man ignored him.

The Secret Service agent went up to the man in the white robe and whispered,"You look just like Moses. Are you Moses?" The man leaned over and whispered back, "Shhhh! Quiet, Yes, I am Moses. The last time I talked to a bush, I spent 40 years wandering in the desert and ended up leading my people to the only spot in the entire Middle East with no oil."

Funny mom story

I just had lunch with Barry and mom--by the way, Barry is lame as hell from his fall. He is barely hobbling.

Anyway, while there, mom told us a funny story of her new basketball team. She has coached forever, but since she retired from teaching, she has had to fill in with a new basketball team. She is coaching 1st to 3rd grade girls at the church. This cracks me up, as I quite vividly recall her coaching me at that age--and later.

Anyway, they have had two practices and the first game is coming up, so they scrimmaged against another team of the same age group last nite.

Mom explained to the girls how man to man defense works---that is all they are allowed to do at this stage. She told each girl who they were to guard, and said "she is your responsibility".

Off she sent the girls into battle. Many funny things occurred, but it got serious when she noticed a little girl on the other team was crying. The game was stopped to see what was so wrong. She was crying because the girl on mom's team "called her names". Oh my, says mom, I cannot imagine that and she asked her player if she had called the girl a name. Of course not, says mom's player.

Now get ready for this, this is really good.

Crying girl was asked what the name was.

Can anyone guess? It is BEEYOUTIFUL.

"Res-res-res-responsibility!"

Evidently, crying girl told mom's player to "quit it" with the guarding, and mom's girl replied that she could not quit it, as she was "her responsibility".

Now that is funny.

Mom says she tried to explain to her that her girl was crying girls responsibility to, but does nto think she was successful in calming her down.

Poor kid, sounds like she was really upset, but how do you not laugh at that?

Ain't it the truth?

Wisdom from my mother

How many people that you know can this be applied to?

Too damn many