Monday, January 14, 2013

Losing control

I have lost it.  I have lost all control of myself.  I cannot seem to make myself do what I say I am going to do.  Or at least not all of it.

Yesterday for example, I insisted to myself that I was going to start my week out right.  I made myself try to go to bed early--which I guess happened, but it took an Ambien to do it. I guess that is not all bad, since they work, but still, it seems like one more thing I cannot control--I cannot even go to or stay asleep.

I intended to be at work early so I could catch up on work I did not get done over the weekend.  I got there at 10:30.  Not so much early.

I did work until 8:00 so got in some extra time, but I sure did not make the progress I intended to make today. I also worked so late that I could not get my nails done, which I realize sounds ridiculous, but when they are all off like they are now, my fingers actually hurt any time something touches them. Since I type all day, that is quite a lot.  So that kinda sucked.  I also worked so late that I could not go to the gym, which I desperately need to go to, because I am starting to feel like I might get fat again if I do not get control of myself.

The last two hours of working, I had a headache brewing that ultimately brought on the blurry vision, so I had to give up and come home.  I should put up the 6 loads of laundry, but I cannot make myself do that either.  So what am I doing?  Sitting in bed, wasting time.  Well, I take that back--I have learned how to use Verizon's backup assistant plus, to download the pics on my phone to my computer and some cloud thing---a little late but better than never, since I lost my real phone Friday nite, and had to reactivate one I threw in the toilet last fall and which only came back to life after I bought a new one.  Now to remind myself to do it all the time, so that I do not go into complete meltdown mode over losing my pics every time I lose a phone (which seems to be about every three months)

So here is my point---I do have one---there has to be another way to live, other than constantly putting out fires.  The only way I can think of how to not be so out of control is to just CONTROL things more--which in turn, creates more anxiety and is also not working for me.  Somehow I have to pare down the sheer volume of crap I have to deal with, and get some feeling of peace around me.

Any suggestions on how to do that?

1 comments:

Venom said...

Sweetie, relax.
Easy to easy I know...
but what I'm getting at is that (for me at least) putting too much pressure on myself is counter-productive.

Control: trying to exert complete control over everything is like squeezing a fistful of sand - grains start slipping out and then it's dribbles of sand escaping & the harder you squeeze the quicker you lose it.

Relax my friend. You are awesome - why is it that you don't seem to know this?? ;-)

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