Then I handed over the camera to Ethan. Note me hiding behind the tree, to hide all my contraptions---drains, tubes, this binding apparatus that makes me look a lot like I have gained back half the weight I have lost, etc. I am no fool. And of course, I was still in the stage where I was not allowed to raise my arms above my head for more than a second or two, so there is the perpetual pony tail working. And we were in the woods, so who needs to be made up for that? Yes, I am making excuses-mostly for those people who think this process should have made me into Barbie by now--it has not, and here is the proof
In good news, it looks like we may have finally found the right mix of meds that will work on me. The pain from this last surgery has been out of control and the strong pain meds I was on was no longer doing the trick. This week though we added a sleeping pill of all things, and it seems to be a life saver. I have only taken in twice, but both days after, I woke up not fighting screaming in pain just from breathing and I made it several hours before I even felt like I might potentially need a pain pill. It has been a completely different world and helped me feel a little more productive. Now I am still an emotional wreck, just as likely to cry over some imaginary thing as to spit at you, but I am kind of encouraged that if actually sleeping can let my physical self heal enough to not be in agony, then maybe my mental state will do the same thing. Lets hope that starts soon, because these mood swings are probably harder to be around than they are to suffer!