Monday, October 25, 2010

I am outraged

for bout sixteen reasons, but this one is a doozy

Here it is the middle of the night, and I learn that I now have 101 followers. I paid attention to my 100th follower because that was very serious.. I was very grateful to my new friend Toemailer--check that one out. And then 101 showed up and I got so excited, I tried to figure out who it is

Guess who it is? AmyB, who might as well be me. I have several thoughts about this-- first, its great she signed on. Second, I have posted well over 1700 entries and NOW AmyB signs on?

I have known this sister since her freshman year at U of I, when she was just a hair over 17.5 years old, I am pretty sure--as she was one of those child genuises. I was 19, and a sophomore--I did not even have Barry yet. Saying it like that makes it seem like it was so fast, but it was not--we had many Barry free adventures that seemed like they took a long time, but I guess they did not. She almost got us both in jail in undergrad more than once, and caused fourteen kinds of havoc in an unlimited number of countries since then. It is not that she was bad--she was not---we just had a weird kind of chemistry that was probably illegal. The two of us were dangerous.

She once called Barry while I was visiting her in LA and had been asleep for so long she thought she had killed me---she made me ride A bike for more than 20 miles on the beach from Santa Monica to Hermosa Beach or some damn thing which does not sound that far, except it was a pub crawl so it was very far, when it turns out smart people were delivered by limo. It was some sort of foolishness with her MBA class at UCLA and I have since wondered if she had learned much, subjecting talent like me to a living hell. It has been like 8 years but I am still not over it. Also, she lies every time she tells the story, making it shorter, but it was not short,. Take my word for it., I would not get up even for pizza, that is how awful it was. She also almost caused me to get my ass kicked in that famous bar Sharkeez, where I had all those run ins with reality hoochies, and never even acted trashy about it---I am pretty sure she owes me for that. That was the day she resorted to buying drinks with a credit card because it was too hard to figure out what the cash denominations were. ... rest assured, we had a designated driver, but I do not remember much about that either, other than that it was Candys the roommate. She was swell.

When I was something like 36, she caused me to be removed from the first bar I have ever been pitched out of. But since it was Amy, it required her to be carried out of a burlesque club by a bouncer who was 5 inches shorter than her, which made the whole thing worth it--it was funny. Am is every bit of six feet tall and the bouncer was not---he dragged her backwards over a banquette seat and just kept draggin. He was practically tripping over her legs, and still he called me a bitch. I was the good one, for Petes sake---that was at the Forty Deuce at Mandalay Bay in Vegas. As usualy, we were right and they were wrong. That happens a lot.

We have been caught flat footed in a tropical storm. That was actually fun, but the bar tab was ridiculous. We were once almost killed by an underwater Jesus in Key Largo--that was not funny. When Amy lived in Australia back in the day, we had every kind of adventure---we went sky diving, winery visiting (Ooy that was something), were thrown out of a hotel for lack of morals, and called my main man on the phone--her not too far away neighbor, Boy George. He was not home but we left a lovely message, and Barry spent the whole time shaking his head and wondering how in the hell he got there.

This might be the first time I realized I had Amy before I had Barry. That is interesting. When Barry and I started dating, everywhere we went, people thought they were together. I guess they thought I was the troll. They do kind of match because they are both so tall. She feels like family so much it is easy to forget she is not--although she is a Yankee, something Dad will never let her forget. She is in Houston more than I am , and the whole family has money down on whether Amy or I will meet Crewser first

I so bet Mandy will allow that too because she probably forgot Amy is a Yankee too. Amy has tried to serve me to bad monsters underwater when we were scuba diving. I think she is trying to get back at me for making her wear a lovely coral frock as part of the bridal party---that was also back in the day when you had the shoes died to match the frocks. Do you have any idea how hard it is to come by size 11 dyable shoes? It aint easy, but since it is me, Amy was not the only one with the big feet. Tranae was just as bad. I had a pretty hot set of bridesmaids, and most of them have gotten back at me since thin, but I am still awaiting my punishment from Amy. It better not involve an eel or a night dive, or this relationship is over.


Anonymous said...

Yikes, Interesting.

Go ahead be outraged---but I get the feeling you love it! ! ! !

Enjoy carol

Fantastyk Voyager said...

lol- crazy stuff!

Holly said...

you are just too flippin' funny.

You won't get me to do any of that shit. I'm the .quiet. one.

Venom said...

Congratulations on your #101 Paige!! She sounds like a real gem, does Amy.
I think you're just the kind of person who nurtures long term relationships very well - I love you and I've never even met you!

duffylou said...

That sure sounds like a gal to have on your side!

Isn't it great to have memories like that you can still talk about years later?

Amy said...

Wow - that's a doozy of a post!! I thought for sure I was already following your blog, as I read it everyday, but come to find out there is some sort of actual sign-up thing to be considered a "follower" - well, of course, i needed to be recognized as a follower, so hence my signing up last night (after reading your post about your 100th follower)- i was excited to be #101 :)

Your post about me is hilarious and very right! You still owe me a dusk/night dive, so you can't get rid of me because of that and I also get to make you wear whatever heinous frock I decide on when I get married. I'm sure I still owe you for some of the other "items" on your list of our debauchery, but am guessing that it will all work out even in the end :)

Paige, you're the best - I'm so happy we are friends!!!

Queen-Size funny bone said...

she was a lurker and you didn't even know it. a mere technical oversight. lol

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