Why does it have to be like this?

Me and the water aerobics are having some issues. I know they are stupid, but they are issues.

Last nite, I went to the 5:15 class and there are too many people. One is my neighbor and when she talked to me, we got yelled at. I do not need to be yelled at. Maybe it was cuz it was so crowded, I kept getting kicked by the middle school principal.

Today I went to the 10:30. There were only 5 other people which is perfect. The middle of the pool is the deepest and for some reason I always go there, probably because it is right in front of the video. Today I decided to try one of the ends that are shallower because sometimes I have trouble staying on the bottom of the pool.

This was a mistake. I got all settled down there and started the class and here comes the most frightening thing I have yet to see in the pool--and this may include the nekkid lady on my towel in the locker room. Here comes the white version of Aunt Jemima (except clearly way more pissed off), stomping her way around the perimeter of the pool and she was headed right for me. She not only had a swimming suit that had a skirt that went past her knees---I want to know where you find things like that, when I cannot even find a suit that will cover my boobs--but she also had on a pink handkerchief on her head. She was probably at least 70--ages are hard for me. I compare people to my mom, who is 65 but sure does not look it---so ol girl might have been way older than that, but I would not expect her to be swimming if she was much older than that. Mom could kick her ass with one arm tied behind her back, so she was old.

Anyway, she was carrying a kleenex with her, blowing her nose and snotting it up so much it was a little ball--that was really appetizing let me tell you. Before she even got to my end of the pool, she was glaring at me thru her granny glasses. I am not sure what I make of someone who wears glasses in the pool--even stranger than full makeup and jewelry like some people. So she gets to my end, climbs down the ladder into the pool- I have to admit I was amazed that the ladder did not come undone, she was so big. Hell, her swimming suit had to weigh as much as my wedding dress, as it was kind of the same style.

Now let me note right here for the record so I do not go straight to hell for this post--I am impressed that she is trying. Good for her, I know how hard it is to get motivated when it seems pointless and you know people are looking at you. So good on her for coming to the pool. That does not mean I am not going to make fun of her cuz I damn sure am.

Once she was in the pool, guess what she did? She put her nasty kleenex in the strap of her suit. For real. Tucked it in there like she was hiding money in her bra. Dear God, it was like Ma Clampett blew up and came to water aerobics. I was appalled, but so that I do not go straight to hell, I tried to concentrate on my abs.

Once Shamu was in the pool, she commenced to walking. Back and forth across the short width of the pool, holding on to the side. Every once in a while, she would haul out her snot rag and blow away. Then she would re-do her kerchief. Then she would glare at me some more. I was staying out of her way, which irritated me in the first place because if she was not going to do the class, she could come at any time and walk back and forth and not be in my damn way. What was she glaring at me for? I was trying not to splash water on her glasses, but that is the nature of water aerobics--you tend to get wet. Deal with it.

And one more thing--she had more cleavage on her back than I have on my front. That is amazingly disturbing to me.

Let me tell you, all of these problems at the water aerobics are taking a toll on me. I feel great when it is over, although lately since the pool is full of new people that are on the Lose to Win competition like I am, the workouts are kind of dumbed down. Lots of times I do not really feel like I did anything and that sucks, as some of them are REALLY hard. I like the hard ones, cuz after all, I got out of bed and went there and my hair will probably freeze when I go outside, I ought to get some real workout, don't you think?

The pool is not open on the weekend, so I have a couple of days to figure out if I would rather be kicked by newbies, or have to deal with the likes of Aunt Jemima glaring at me.

I don't know why life has to be so hard