How I am failing the yoga ball

Today is a long day---much to do and little time to do it--

I have to go upstate to the women's prison to see a client. I am hoping that a potential set-to with DOC officials does not come to pass on Friday morning. I will be ready if it does, and count myself a genius if I come out on top of that deal. They are rigid about their procedures. But I am sure it will make a good story and that is what I am all about.

Meanwhile, much to do, much to do. My exercise routine continues, and to tell the truth, I am really enjoying it. So much so that, although I did aerobics Wednesday, my new hair event ran late and I missed the spinning class and that makes me sad. Especially considering that I will be out of town until essentially Monday, and will be limited to hotel treadmills---taking time off screws me up because I start liking that too.

This leads me to a funny that happened in the aerobics class. After the last class, I asked if they ever use those big yoga balls, and lo and behold, today we did. I had a feeling that would happen. The teacher told me that one time, a lady fell slap off the ball on the ground. Keep in mind this is the old people's aerobics, so she could break a hip, for real. I assured him I too would fall off but I wanted to learn--partly because we have had one for years and I have no idea what to do with it.
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Anyway, today we used them. I amazed myself by staying on board through the first ten minutes. Then things got a little dicey. We had to do this thing where we started on our knees behind the ball. We laid over it on our bellies and rolled forward so that we were like a plank on top of the ball. Then we were to tilt forward so that our heads were near the ground, kind of like in a push-up position, and our legs were up high behind the ball. This does not sound so hard, does it?

Well it kind of is, at least for someone like me. I was doing it pretty close to right, but I swear my ball was trying to get away from me. I do not like that in a ball. It did not roll forward in a straight line, so I kept ending up pointing the wrong direction. I guess I got to laughing one time, and that is what lead to my downfall. When I went down into my push-up position, I got stuck. I was supposed to hold that position for a while, then push off and roll back to the beginning position and land on my knees

That did not so much happen. I was stuck. Stuck as hell, I am telling you. My forehead was pushing into the carpet and no matter what I did, I could not get up. And as I always do, I cracked up some more. That was a bad move, as the laughing caused me to tremble even more than I already was from being stuck, so I am pretty sure I now have rug burn on my friggin head. That is quite a look, huh?

I finally gave up. The whole class was looking at me, I could hear them. I suspect even the teacher was laughing at me, but of course, I could not see him as my face was ground into the ground.

It occurred to me that this was much like a runaway horse here-- I was not in control and not about to get that way any time soon, so I had to do what I would do in that situation---bail off.

And bail I did. I kind of flung myself free to the right. Maybe I got carried away--how far did I think I needed to go, it was not like that ball was going to kick me in the head like a horse would. Must be habit though, as I think I went far. I must have, because I landed on someone. Good thing too, as I was rolling like I was colicing, and I really covered some ground getting there.

Thank God, it was mom I landed on and she just shoved me off. It was a good thing that she was there to stop my roll or I might have kept on going until I hit the stinking wall.

I got back on that bad boy though. I always do, no matter what sort of thing I fall off of--that is either a good characteristic, or a sign that I am really stupid. I came off the ball a few more times, but I did get that move down before it was over.

I will beat that blue bastard yet, you just watch. If it does not kill me first, that is