A Political Funny

Plans for the George W. Bush Presidential Library have been released. The Library will include:
1. The Hurricane Katrina Room , which will be always under construction and look like a disaster.

2. The Alberto Gonzales Room, where nothing seen or heard can be remembered.

3. The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don't have to go.

4. The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they won't let you in.

5. The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they won't let you out.

6. The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room, which no one can find.

7. The Iraq War Room, where, after you complete your first tour, they make you go back for a second, third, fourth, & sometimes a fifth tour.

8. The Dick Cheney Room, which is in an undisclosed location and is complete with a shooting gallery.

9. The K-Street Project Gift Shop, where you can buy (or just steal) an election.

10. The Airport Men's Room, where you can meet some of your favorite Republican Senators. *

Also, there will be an entire floor devoted to a 1/100 scale model of the President's ego.

And finally, to highlight the President's accomplishments, the museum will have an electron microscope in operation so that researchers can look for them.

There are no plans yet on where in the library the President's book will be kept.

Thoughts for 2008

10 Wise Thoughts for 2008

10. Life is sexually transmitted.

9. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

8. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

7. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

6. Some people are like a Slinky ... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

5. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lyingin hospitals dying of nothing.

4. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

3. Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $0.30?

2. In the '60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2008: We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America , but we haven't got a clue as to where Osama Bin Laden is located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge.

And the BONUS thought for today: "Life is like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow"

I love me some sports--and athletes too

but sometimes, they embarrass even me! My mom sent me this today and it is funny as hell....

Things Jocks have Said in Public

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me." (just in case you did not catch that one on your own)

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first." Think he will know when it happens?

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,Matt Millen of he Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too." Well, he did kind of open the door to that one

4. Torri Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings." Huh.

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Point taken.

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (Now that is beautiful!) Think he better go back for some remedial logic classes.

7 Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." Wonder if they did it?

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton ." He's got us there, doesn't he?

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes." I wonder how often this needs to happen---and some people say hockey is not a brutal sport

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." Good thing he is not working with Norman Einstein, or he might catch on to that business.

11. Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January) Guess we can assume he is not the dad then.

12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, about a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'" HAHAHAHAHA! I love the Jazz!

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject." And we wonder why so many athletes are criminals now--I guess thebetter question is how come more of them are not

14. Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye." Can't argue with that, I guess, but I guess it is good for him he has somewhere else to sleep other than home.

New National Symbol

I got this in my email from one of my pervert friends, and it was so funny, I had to share it with you.