Im so stupid-also, people are really pissing me off

I did something kind of dumb tonight, but I was so frigging mad, I could not stop myself.

All week, I have had to deal with stupid people not doing their jobs....or doing them in a way that makes me need to kill them. First it was the prescription company my insurance makes me use--they jacked up the price of my birth control so far, it is obscene. It is the only pill that works to keep me from being locked in the house for weeks on end and there is no generic, so I had to have some go rounds with them. That it costs so much infuriates me, but what about people who truly do not have the money? They have to suffer. That is bullshit.

I have been dealing with some work stuff this week that has been very frustrating, and it made my head hurt and my level of self-righteousness get out of control. There are so many hard things about my job, but after all these years, you would think I would be petty well immune to getting outraged at how the world is screwed up. Then some complete horse's ass comes along and makes me angry, and BAM--up goes my blood pressure again. It also showed me how much I rely on my career as a huge sense of identity--as I am trying to do battle with some people who truly need put in their place without using my professional qualifications to squash them. Well, the skills I use--but my identity, my role in the legal justice system, etc, I am not using. It is surprisingly crippling to me. I hate that I cannot smack these people down with my experience, my unique skill set and expertise in certain matters. I do not know a lot about a lot of things, but when it comes to criminal justice and criminal procedure--you will have a hard time finding a person outside of my little ivory tower world that can even imagine the things I know and know well. I am petty cocky about that, and I know it. But damn it, it is earned

Also, I am stuck on not being able to go to the gym, other than when I have an actual training appointment with the Bad Boy. And today, he had to cancel, so I have all this cranked up energy that did not get burned off. I just cannot seem to get over the hump to make myself go do cardio when I am not training with him, I do not know what the problem is. I am not mad at him, he had justification for cancelling, and I do that sometimes--just disappointed to go into the weekend without my traditionally insane Friday session.

So since I had free lunch hour, I saved it til late in the day and ran home on my lunch hour to feed Playmate. There, learned that they had not picked up my trash today like they get paid a ridiculous amount to do. I happened to be on the phone with mom, who was treated to an earful of very bad words and shrieking on my part. I swear to God, I felt like fire was shooting out of the top of my head.

The dumpster that has been totally full to overflowing for 13 days. That rarely happens, but thanks to the Farm Fairy that has been on a mission over there, it has been full since the day after they picked it up two weeks ago. I was so excited about gutting the garage all week, but knew I could not do it til the trash people came today. They did not come. I did not know until a little after 4, so I called the number on the can and was put on hold no less than 6 times, for a total of 45 minutes. So I went back to work and got another number, which someone finally answered.

But guess what they are not doing? Picking up my trash. The lady said Monday they would come, she would have to talk to the driver, as he marked on the list that he picked it up. I assured her he did not. It is possible I threatened to shoot someone. well, okay, more than possible

Everyone knows that I am not going to shoot anyone, as I do not have a gun. Which I told her. Who knows if she believes me. It is cases like this that prove why I cannot ever have one.

I am not going to get into why this dumpster is such a big damn deal because it will just make me look crazier than I already do. And I know that about me too, so see it is not just that I own good things about me, I can own the bad things. This dumpster has brought out all manner of signs of mental illness in me...some rage, some OCD, what is that thing when you are completely uncaring that you are involved in risky behavior? I got that too

Randy and Linda showed up at the farm when I was doing the stupid thing. I think I might have been jumping up and down in the driveway, clapping and squealing when they arrived. I'm sure they could tell I was wacked out, so they distracted me by taking us out to dinner. That calmed me down a lot. By the time dinner was over, I was normal. And I did not drink a single beer. Now THAT is impressive, considering how outraged I was.

Poor Barry. He is on his way home, and although he knows what I did, I suspect he has no idea what kind of firestorm he is walking into here.