Wednesday, November 19, 2014

How things have changed

Looking back over the last year, much of my life has changed.  If you count the last two years, it has changed even more.

I left a bad relationship that had some of the highest highs I have ever enjoyed, but also brought with it lies, deception, mental illness and more things I cannot even describe, and most definitely could not live with. I was becoming a person I do not want to be, all in the name of saving this poison relationship.  I stopped that shit, as hard as it was because of the mental state I had come to, and  I went all in on the man I should have been with from the beginning, and now we live in pretty happy bliss.  I think that is an oxymoron.  "pretty happy" and "bliss".  People who know us well would laugh at that, but we really are a pretty good matched set.  From my explosive over the top emotional way of seeing and dealing with the world, to his laid back roll with it attitude (not to be mistaken for apathy or passiveness by any stretch, this is a man with opinions and when it matters to him, he makes it known)- we make a pretty formidable couple.  He is so smart, and I am so proud of him every day. Having the connection of our careers is really a nice bonus--we can bounce ideas off of each other and actually get somewhere. We are a very low drama but solid couple--he takes care of me when I have surgery, and he folds my clothes when I cant do it, and I make him food that he will actually eat (more often he feeds me), and he buys me shaving cream for my leg shaving obsession.  I am over the top affectionate, and he is more hands off, but he is very protective of me, and does so many little things that show me he loves me.  I am learning to accept that and not be scared because of my past relationships.  Its taken a lot of trust but its there now, and it is a very nice place to be.

Work has changed so much. A year ago I was still getting my feet under me in private practice, gaining confidence in my new field of law, I was looking for validiation in every case. Today, I am building a pretty solid practice with my current position--I am in pretty good demand and stay super busy, and I realize now that I am what I always was--a pretty damn good lawyer with a fast mind, an ability to see where things will likely fall out and to persuade people to accept facts that need to be accepted. It took a while to climb out of the hole of being slammed in my previous position, but a little success and the respect of other attorneys and especially the judges skewed my view of myself back to what I think or hope is the accurate one.  There are some major changes coming soon--within the week, probably-- and I cannot wait to see how those play out.

In other business---the horses are fine, raising themselves mostly.  The dogs are still spoiled brats, especially Yadi, our baby mastiff. Family is good.  My brother in law is moving to Singapore for a year, but we probably wont notice any difference since he travels so much.  I dont know how he bears to leave his beautiful new house, which we visited in May.  Talk about an oasis--I could live there.

Finally, its almost the holidays.  I cannot tell you what a pleasure it is to know I am actually WANTED at Chris' family events. Michelle and I have a blast, and his cousin from England will be here this year--I really enjoy her.  There is not once I have thought I was not welcome or even wanted there like I always felt with my ex-husbands family, and even my own family sometimes. Its a nice way to live that may be thawing my hatred toward the holiday season.  Last year, we went damn near to Memphis for Thanksgiving night, gambled, then went to Reelfoot Lake to eat, and Chris got to meet all sorts of people in my family. He is still around so I guess it did not ruin him (although to be fair, he did not get Brenda, or crazy Larry).  This year will be a little less active so we can recharge from our crazy seasons, and I am so looking forward to being with Chris every day like we are now, and enjoying each other's families at a much more comfortable level now that the new has worn off this relationship.  (A little history:  we could not be together on our first holiday season--we were too new, I went to Qatar, then we got off track).  The second one had other complicating factors and it made me so sad that I swore it would not happen again.  And it has not, and I think it won't.  We are our own little family now, and we like it.

Maybe this posting is not so hard after all...

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