Friday, April 12, 2013

Here is what I know

No matter how much we try, or how much we want it to not be true...ultimately, we are going to be most happy with people in our lives that are similar to us in the ways that matter. Our backgrounds do not have to be the same, but there is something to be said for going in the same general direction with our lives. I am so much more comfortable now that I am back where I belong with with Chris, who I have so much in common with emotionally, professionally, socially and in so many intangible ways. These things matter---and with him, I do not have to pretend I am not who I am professionally,  or in the world as a whole---because he is right there with me and we can do it together.   That we are on opposite sides of the law---he as a prosecutor and me as defense counsel--only adds to the fun we have discussing issues and cases and common connections in our world. Its like a built-in net of security because we get each other in the ways that really matter to both of us....and we are both smart enough and evolved enough to really benefit from the discussions we have in the middle of the night.

I feel like I have stopped fighting the tide just to get to a starting point, and that leaves us so much more energy to just enjoy the time we spend together and the time we spend with our friends as well.  We are not depleted just by the effort to get each other, because we just kinda do.

 At base, we are all most comfortable with others who share our morals, belief systems, and values.  And by share them, I do not mean they CLAIM to share them, but who live like they share them. You cannot necessarily learn that about someone overnight, but once you put them time in, you can believe that someone is exactly who they SHOW you they are---not who they tell you they are.

I am so grateful that I get it now. There is no award given at the end of life for having made decisions based on what you want people to believe you are.  The only reward is in knowing who you are, and finding a safe place to be that person with someone who values that person, and adds to your life while you live it.  Here is to my next stage, where hopefully I can put into place what I have learned about trying to live outside where you belong.  Where I belong is a good place with amazing people, and I am lucky to belong there.  We have so much to look forward to!

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