Why cant I get ANYONE to steal my crappy lawn mower?

....Cranky croc steals Aussie zoo worker's lawn mower
By KRISTEN GELINEAU

SYDNEY (AP) — A giant saltwater crocodile named Elvis with an apparent affinity for household machinery charged at an Australian reptile park worker Wednesday before stealing his lawn mower . Tim Faulkner , operations manager at the Australian Reptile Park, north of Sydney, was one of three workers tending to the lawn in Elvis' enclosure when he heard reptile keeper Billy Collett yelp. Faulkner looked up to see the 16-foot (5-meter), 1,100-pound (500-kilogram) crocodile lunging out of its lagoon at Collett, who warded the creature off with his mower. "Before we knew it, the croc had the mower above his head," Faulkner said. "He got his jaws around the top of the mower and picked it up and took it underwater with him." The workers quickly left the enclosure. Elvis, meanwhile, showed no signs of relinquishing his new toy and guarded it closely all morning. Eventually, Faulkner realized he had no other choice but to go back for the mower. Collett lured Elvis to the opposite end of the lagoon with a heaping helping of kangaroo meat while Faulkner plunged, fully clothed, into the water. Before grabbing the mower, however, he had to search the bottom of the lagoon for two 3-inch (7-centimeter) teeth Elvis lost during the encounter. He quickly found them and escaped from the pool, unharmed and with mower in tow. Though many may question the wisdom of going after a couple of teeth with a massive crocodile lurking just feet away, Faulkner said finding them was critical. "They clog up the filter systems," he said. And, he said, "They're a nice souvenir." Elvis has a history of crankiness and has lunged at staff before, though this is the first time he has stolen something from one of the workers. The croc was initially captured in the northern Australian city of Darwin, where he had been attacking fishing boats. He was then moved to a crocodile farm, where he proceeded to kill his two crocodile girlfriends. In 2008, he was moved to the reptile park, where he has enjoyed solitary confinement in his own enclosure. "When they are the dominant croc, they're just full of testosterone," Faulkner said. "He's got his beautiful own yard, he wants to be a solitary creature. He's happy." Despite having to give up the lawn mower, Elvis was clearly pleased with himself, Faulkner said. "He's beaten us today ... he's kingpin," Faulkner said. "He's going to be walking around with his chest puffed out all day." As for the staff at the reptile park? "I can't lie, the bosses are not going to be happy about the cost of a new lawn mower," Faulkner said with a laugh. "(But) we love it. No one's injured ... and when you get scared and it all turns out to be good, it's actually quite enjoyable."

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Tarzan Chimp dies

....Cheetah, a chimpanzee said to have performed in the "Tarzan" films of the 1930s, has died at the age of 80, according to the Florida sanctuary where he lived.

"It is with great sadness that the community has lost a dear friend and family member on December 24, 2011," the Suncoast Primate Sanctuary in Palm Harbor, Florida announced on its website.

Cheetah was said to have performed in "Tarzan the Ape Man" (1932) and "Tarzan and His Mate" (1934), classic films about a man reared in the jungle starring Johnny Weissmuller and Maureen O'Sullivan.

Similar claims were made about another very old chimpanzee, named Cheeta, which lives in California. But a writer researching that chimp in 2008 found considerable evidence it was too young to have appeared in the films, and its owners have accepted the findings on their website, cheetathechimp.org.

The average life span of a wild chimpanzee is around 45 years.

Several chimpanzees were used in the filming of the "Tarzan" movies and subsequent films, during a period when the primates were widely used in Hollywood and often mistreated.

The Florida chimpanzee -- which reportedly arrived at the sanctuary in 1960 -- loved finger-painting and watching football, and was soothed by Christian music, the sanctuary's outreach director Debbie Cobb told the Tampa Tribune.

"He could tell if I was having a good day or a bad day. He was always trying to get me to laugh if he thought I was having a bad day. He was very in tune to human feelings," Cobb was quoted as saying.

Ron Priest, a sanctuary volunteer, told the Tribune that Cheetah stood out because he could walk upright with a straight back like a human, and was distinguished by other talents.

"When he didn't like somebody or something that was going on, he would pick up some poop and throw it at them. He could get you at 30 feet with bars in between," Priest said.

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RIP Slater 2002-2011

It has taken me several weeks to do this because I refused to think about it.
But that does not change that it happened.

Slater Strawn has gone on to the big couch in the sky. We did it on a Saturday so Barry could be with him too. Slate had his last ice cream that morning, and had to be helped to the car, but he was ready to go. The poor guy lasted 9.5 years, which is a really long time for a Dane, but nowhere near long enough. Because I had computer crashes, these pics were my favorites from FB, so that is what you get.

I miss him so much, and I know there will never be another baby Alligator like him. I wish I knew how many thousands of miles of road trips we took together, or how many people who were completely amazed at what a gentle giant he was--he made friends everywhere we went. One of his favorite games was meeting hotel clerks, and pushing elevator buttons then sitting in the corner of the elevator acting like a person. He was more like a person than a dog and sure was nicer than most people---it is definitely a different house without him in it.

RIP Slater--you are so missed

Bitchmas has been suspended

In the oddest turn of events, the world has turned upside down. One of the most relevant (due to timing) and significant effects is that I have called off the Annual Bitchmas, where everyone looks at me crooked wondering when I might blow up or wig out.

That is just not happening this year. I am so happy, I swear I do not recognize myself.

I hope the rest of you have half the joy in your hearts I have right now--

Merry ex-Bitchmas!

Dunnabeck 2011

This year, I only spent a couple of hours shooting the cross-country event at Dunnabeck. And I have barely gone through the shots to see what I got, but this is what I have so far. Now that I have my internet connection fixed up, I will get back on the stick editing and posting pics from Qatar and Dubai, but until then....here are some hosses