I will post much more on this later, probably, but I spent the day in a women's prison, visiting clients.
One thing I took away from it--which happens almost every time, but still manages to blind side me the next time--is that so often, these girls are just like you and me. Self-esteem is the most important thing you can give your daughters, so please don't skimp on that. If she has friends you see struggling, be that one person who puts a hand out to her--it might be the one thing that makes a difference.
There but for the grace of God go a whole lot of us--one day can change your life, and one decision can ruin it. But those are years in the making, and if just one person would give a damn, so many of these horror stories that send these girls to prison would be stopped in their tracks before it gets this far.
It could be your daughter. She is just like them too, wondering if she is pretty enough, or what it takes to keep that boy interested in her, even if he is a piece of shit that is not worthy of her anyway, or not seeing the value in being able to take care of herself, or working to get the skills to do just that---that was all of us at one time.
It breaks my heart
Friday, January 23, 2009
Just like you and me
Posted by Paige at 10:30 PM
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10 comments:
I agree. And the second most important thing you can do is to teach them HOW to make good decisions and SUPPORT them when they do make good decisions.
I can just imagine how this hit you in the gut today Paige.
Hugs
I really believe what you say is SO true.
My husband works for Correctional Services Canada - I've heard a lot of grizzly stories. No parent would want prison life for their child. Children need direction & boundaries - if parents won't set them on the straight path, who will?
I am SO big on teaching my childern to have good self esteem. I really loved this post Paige!! Thanks for sharing!!
You are so right Paige. As a woman who was sexually abused as a child and kept it hid (read - had no help). I grew up with absolutley no self esteem and still struggle with it greatly to this day. I could have ended up in so much trouble and it's a miracle I did not.
Building my kids self esteem has been one of my biggest goals, and I think, at least so far, I have succeeded. I remember one time when my Daughter was 18 she broke up with whom I thought was a real nice kid after being with him for several months. When I asked her why she broke up with him she said that he treated his friends like crap, and she knew that eventually he would treat her that way. I tell you, I was so proud of her I thought I would bust. She's a smart, self respecting, strong woman, and I am so relieved. Jami
Totally agree....it's such a powerful thing for girls/women.
You're so insightful. There's no way you'll ever understand how proud we are of you. You are truly an amazing phenomenon.
We are so blessed to be your parents. We all probably need a reminder now and again of what could have been. There's no guarantee about anything.
Love you too much,
(Hope this doesn't embarrass you)
I think about this all the time with Gabi. I know we've talked about how annoying it is when we all clap and carry on when she does something, but it's actually my first effort to make her feel smart, good and strong about who she is. It may not seem necessary, but everything is in baby steps.
We've all made bad choices. And it is terrifying as a parent that it our children could be one bad decision away from terrible consequences.
aa
This makes me appreciate my kids and my parents even more, which is way over the top already.
At the time it doesn't seem so, but discipline, limits, expectations, and sometimes even punishment and consequences build self-esteem. Kids eventually learn that parents have to love them a lot to impose discomfort and inconvenience on them. We all make mistakes, parents and kids, but so often it's our response to an event that counts more than the event itself. Think about that!
Love you too much,
you know who I am
I know this to be true from experience. If we are left to feel like lower beings, or made to feel like we dont matter, after a time that will stick. And it's hard to break back out of that mold once its made.
Sorry for your day Paige.
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