Guest blogger day

Today is supposed to be the day that you have another person guest post for you--I have never done this before, so I thought I would. Then I panicked about who to ask. So I picked my sister, which just goes to show you how mentally ill I must be. I will probably regret this.

But here it is:

My favorite Paige-aster is a series of mishaps that resulted in one of Paige's most humiliating moments. Well, up until that time. Since then she has outdone herself, over and over and over. But at the time, I truly thought she would die. For any number of reasons.

Paige was a senior in college at U of I and engaged to be married in June. It was 1994. Hair was still recovering from the 80s (READ- big). Dresses were bigger and she was very excited about this big small-town affair. She had every detail planned to a T.

The point is… there were several showers that spring. Paige's strong suit has never been filing away trivia about people that she hopes to never see again. She is less than convincing when acting interested in the latest round of doctor appointments from the geriatric crowd. So when Barry's mother planned a shower in his hometown with all the relatives in tow, Paige bit down hard on her tongue and tried to smile through it.

Grinning and bearing proved a bit much for this smart aleck. To cope with the inevitable discomfort that would come with the occasion, Paige did what she always does. She drank.(NOTE from Paige---goes to show Mandy's memory from that part of her life was also a little alcohol-addled--it was the senior pub crawl for my sorority--serious bidness). But she did it the night before instead of the actual day of the shower. And she drank some more. She did her class proud that night on Green St. To be specific, she drank a goofy, fruity drink that came in an enormous bowl and had a glass shark in it. She's always had a thing for the water and its creatures—minus giant squid and eels—and found it increasingly amusing that the giant beverage contained a glass shark. So she stole it. And put it in her pocket… because you don't carry a purse to the bars in Chambana. But you do steal things.

Later that night, she was hammered and thinking that she was the funniest person on the planet. In her banshee-like hysteria while walking home that night, she started running down the street, hollering inappropriate phrases and CRASHED. She crashed her ass into the asphalt street. She bashed her eye socket on one side of her face. She also, as you might have guessed, suffered a groin injury from the shark that shattered when she hit the pavement. (more notes from me--I had to go to the emergency room. so we all went--including our photog)

There are many, many more details that are too extensive to get into at this point. Suffice it to say that the high points were that a case of makeup was used to cover the black and blue swollen eye at her shower the next day; our friend Jane screamed f@#$ in the middle of Barry's relatives; she squelched her hangover and practically puked on her pristine pile of shower gifts; and Paige could not remember a single name of those generous women who had gathered to welcome her into the fold of the family. Paige's plan for a buildup of perfection for her wedding day was tarnished long before we hit June.

So continued the legacy of Paige's grand entrances into other people's lives. It's never quiet. It's rarely graceful. But it's always unforgettable.